Two years ago yesterday, my life changed. Two years ago yesterday, I took my biggest step in this very long journey. Two years ago yesterday, I did something some people think is the "easy" way out. Two years ago yesterday, I had bariatric surgery. I had a sleeve gastrectomy.
In the months between my initial appointment and my surgery date, I thought things were the most difficult they'd get. I had multiple appointments each week for tests and clearances, not to mention a couple of very large health scares. I didn't know it then, but that was just the beginning of this roller coaster... a roller coaster I'd ride again and wish I rode years prior.
I'm going to take the lead of a friend of mine who also had the sleeve surgery and talk about what I miss since surgery.
I miss pasta, rice, and bread (and oh boy do I!).
I miss ice cream (although Halo Top is pretty darn good).
I miss fast food - because sometimes you just want some fries and a Frosty.
I miss beef (because my sleeve doesn't tolerate it well), but a good burger or a nice filet sound really yummy, especially as we enter grilling season.
But I also have a list of things I don't miss...
I don't miss dreading my PCP's office calling with lab results, only to learn my blood sugar is pre-diabetic and my triglycerides and cholesterol are high.
I don't miss being embarrassed meeting new people and ashamed when I went with my husband to a work function.
I don't miss thinking how I'd like to do something (like going to the mountains to see waterfalls, for instance), but knowing that it wasn't feasible because I didn't have the physical stamina.
I don't miss having to skip rides at Disney because I didn't fit (or not trying because I was worried I wouldn't and couldn't bear that embarrassment).
I don't miss people asking if I was pregnant. This one was especially painful as a woman unable to bear children.
I don't miss being the most obvious, most stared-at person in the room, while simultaneously being the most invisible.
I don't miss being given the once-over at the airport to determine if I need to buy an extra seat.
I don't miss needing to ask for a seat belt extender when I did fly.
I don't miss getting winded walking up a flight of stairs.
I don't miss being forced to shop online because I wore a size too large to be carried in stores.
I don't miss needing to catch my breath after bending over to tie my shoes.
I don't miss being treated as sub-human, being ignored, and being talked "at."
I don't miss not being able to take my dogs for a walk.
I don't miss dreading the sight of a restaurant booth,.
I don't miss having to squeeze into the the drivers side of the car or an airplane seat.
I don't miss my C-PAP machine!
I don't miss taking 2 different blood pressure medications.
I don't miss people making judgments of me based solely on my size.
I don't miss people offering hugs to others but not to me (obesity is not contagious!).
I don't miss doctors dismissing very real and unrelated symptoms, blaming them on my weight.
*these lists are not by any means exhaustive, just limited by my current brain shutdown.
The list of things I miss...those are all tangible. But most of the things I don't miss are the opposite - they can't be held or touched or bought. They are intangible and they weren't going away unless I lost the weight.
On another note, 7 weeks ago today I had my panniculectomy. I saw the surgeon on Monday and he is pleased with how I'm healing. He said I don't have to return for 6 weeks, which about sent me into shock. I've seen him at least every week or two for the past 7 weeks. I think I'm going to have withdrawal!
I also saw my bariatric surgeon this week. While the 5 lbs of skin removed during my panniculectomy would have put me at half of my highest weight, I remain the same weight I was the day of surgery (I suspect due to fluid retention...that, and not being able to workout). I'm a stubborn woman (although the word tenacious is so much nicer, isn't it?) and will get to that 163 lb mark so I can officially be half of my former self. It just may take some time to do it because I'm slightly less strict with my diet than I was a year ago. However, the bariatric surgeon said that he wishes all of his patients were as successful as I've been, since I've maintained my weight within about 5 pounds for the past year.
You've come to learn that I'm very open about my journey and want to help out anyone I can. Please don't hesitate to share my blog if you know someone considering surgery or who has had surgery (either bariatric or skin removal).
Thanks for taking the time to read this!
Showing posts with label medical appointments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label medical appointments. Show all posts
Friday, May 25, 2018
Tuesday, April 3, 2018
Cancelled Surgery and My Mood
It's not easy to admit, but my mood has taken a real hit since surgery was cancelled. This process has been very difficult for me for reasons I'm choosing not to reveal in such an open forum. Suffice it to say, having to delay it has really affected me. I feel more depressed and sometimes that means I want to eat emotionally - which is never veggies, I can tell you that!
I'm on a newer mood stabilizer, but have maxed out the dose. It's another month until I see the nurse practitioner so for now, I deal.
What does that look like? It means getting as much sleep as I can. I have a bunch of chronic illnesses (doesn't it seem like it should be illni?) so sleep can often evade me. I must maintain good sleep hygiene. I try to steer clear of the junk food. While I'm only ever able to do small amounts anyway, it's best to try to avoid the junk totally. It means I keep all of my doctor appointments - with all doctors. It means taking all of my meds, except those I'm now under mandate to stop (vitamins and supplements, most of which I'm taking since the bariatric surgery and aspirin). It means trying to move... to do something physical. I haven't been back to the trainer since the week before surgery was rescheduled. I have an exercise bike here at the house and I'll ride that for several miles while streaming something to distract myself. I've also taken on the enormous task, both with and without my husband, of walking the dogs. The fresh air won't hurt -- when it's not snowing (can I say - what's up with April snow?? I suspect it doesn't bring May flowers... just sayin'). It means maintaining relationships and not isolating, but keeping good boundaries and making very intentional decisions about when and what I do so I don't overdo it. That's the short list. And it's exhausting.
Tonight it means I'm going to bed super early. I see the surgeon in the morning to get final clearance for surgery. I did see a dermatologist about a week and a half ago and she was going to send a letter to the surgeon offering her opinion (which would not pose a problem with surgery moving forward on Friday).
Yes, this is a short post.... you're welcome ;) But having a lot of stress in my life does pretty horrible things to my mood and I felt like addressing it here was somehow necessary.
I'm on a newer mood stabilizer, but have maxed out the dose. It's another month until I see the nurse practitioner so for now, I deal.
What does that look like? It means getting as much sleep as I can. I have a bunch of chronic illnesses (doesn't it seem like it should be illni?) so sleep can often evade me. I must maintain good sleep hygiene. I try to steer clear of the junk food. While I'm only ever able to do small amounts anyway, it's best to try to avoid the junk totally. It means I keep all of my doctor appointments - with all doctors. It means taking all of my meds, except those I'm now under mandate to stop (vitamins and supplements, most of which I'm taking since the bariatric surgery and aspirin). It means trying to move... to do something physical. I haven't been back to the trainer since the week before surgery was rescheduled. I have an exercise bike here at the house and I'll ride that for several miles while streaming something to distract myself. I've also taken on the enormous task, both with and without my husband, of walking the dogs. The fresh air won't hurt -- when it's not snowing (can I say - what's up with April snow?? I suspect it doesn't bring May flowers... just sayin'). It means maintaining relationships and not isolating, but keeping good boundaries and making very intentional decisions about when and what I do so I don't overdo it. That's the short list. And it's exhausting.
Tonight it means I'm going to bed super early. I see the surgeon in the morning to get final clearance for surgery. I did see a dermatologist about a week and a half ago and she was going to send a letter to the surgeon offering her opinion (which would not pose a problem with surgery moving forward on Friday).
Yes, this is a short post.... you're welcome ;) But having a lot of stress in my life does pretty horrible things to my mood and I felt like addressing it here was somehow necessary.
Sunday, July 10, 2016
New Experiences - 46 Days Out (this number has changed many times as I continue to write, and write, and write....)
Wow, this has been a crazy time! I'm sorry I've neglected this for so long. I started to write a couple of weeks ago, but then... well... life just got in the way.
Where to start?
Part of the delay was some pain I'm having. It's all along the left side of my abdomen and the LRNP said that it wasn't pain I should be having at this stage, so I had an unexpected visit downtown. Thankfully hubby was able to take off. She (the LRNP) said that it's unlikely the pain is surgery-related, but they ordered a few tests just to see if they can determine what is causing it. I'm waiting on the results of one; the other required a pre-cert and I didn't get the info to schedule until it was too late, so I'll be calling for that appointment on Monday. I do hope they figure this out! Actually, just today (Saturday), hubby and I were out running some errands and wandering the mall - I haven't been able to walk the mall in years. I realized I could go to Chick-fil-A and get grilled nuggets. I got the 8-piece, but could only finish 5. I'll know to get the children's portion next time. Then I had to wait 30 minutes to drink, which about killed me. On top of that, I had my ongoing clothing frustrations (more about that below) and I was having some arthritis pain (you don't spend much time being morbidly obese before your body rebels!). We left to head to our main destination, and one of my absolute favorite stores - The Container Store!!!!! Unfortunately the abdominal pain increased dramatically, almost out of the blue, so hubby knew something was wrong when I wanted to leave there... and not even stop at Target on the way home. So here I sit, protein shake in next to me, typing away.
Now, I had my first experience at a restaurant. I was super anxious. A few days prior I had a hamburger and it didn't sit well. Dinner was planned for hubby's birthday and my parents were taking us to a steak and seafood restaurant. I called the dietitian in a hurry! She pulled up the menu on her computer and we went through the menu over the phone (did I mention how wonderful she is?). I assumed I'd get the scallop appetizer, but the menu didn't make it as straight-forward as it used to be; I also never paid attention before and it is a sauteed dish, therefore cooked in butter - a big no-no. We worked together to figure out a plan and a few days later, we headed down to my folks'.
The day came and I feltsomewhat not-at-all prepared. I have a letter from my surgeon saying that I've had an operation and that I should be permitted to order a lesser amount of food (off the children's menu, if need be) for a proportionate cost. I was armed going into the restaurant. My parents go here often, so they have a favorite server and asked for her. While we were being seated, my father graciously took the server aside and advised her of my situation. She was wonderful and told me to order what I want/need from the menu and the chef would make it work. I did get the scallops, grilled, along with some asparagus. I wasn't able to finish the 4 scallops, so by bariatric "law" (of my program), I didn't have any of the veggie. I love vegetables, so this is killing me! But rules dictate that I eat my 3 oz of protein before I have my ounce of veggie. And I held firm to the rules.
Major Eating/Lifestyle Changes:
I had my first session with my food/eating therapist since surgery. She's a real cheerleader for me and my journey and reminds me all the time how far I've come and how much I'm doing to follow the strict rules. I don't take compliments terribly well, so it's a bit like water-off-a-duck's-back, but she knows that. I had the same experience with my psychiatrist earlier this week. I've always been hard on myself, so it's not something new. The only person on my mental health team who has supported me throughout the entire process is my psychologist. (the food therapist is new). The psychiatrists I've seen in the past (especially the one I saw for the longest time - 9 years, I think) would have just set up another appointment and said they'd see me after surgery. All 3 of these people wanted to know as soon as possible how surgery went. My psychiatrist was really happy - surprised even - that hubby emailed her not long after the surgery was over. She thanked me/him for that and I thanked her for caring enough to ask. I haven't even been seeing her a year and she's done everything to encourage me and support this process. When I talked of the financial hardship of seeing a second therapist, she didn't think twice and told me to see her less often if that would help. She's there by email and phone if I need her.
I had an appt at the neurologist's office and talked with her about decreasing doses on some of the meds they have me on for my migraines, because they can also be used for psych purposes. They are older meds and have a greater chance to cause weight gain - working against what I'm working to do! In conjunction with my psychiatrist, I am cutting one of the biggest offenders in half (to start) and the other I take 1200 mg 3x/day and that is being cut to 900 mg 3x/day. I hope to be off my cholesterol med by the Fall, and even though my psychiatrist added back in one med (I went off it due to a variety of screw-ups) I can just pray that she will take me off the one I currently take once I'm up to a therapeutic dose.
Clothes: I'm finally starting to find myself shrinking out of clothes. I was so frustrated being stuck in the same size clothes as 50 lbs ago! But just within the past 1-2 weeks I've noticed that my shirts are sliding down my shoulders and my bra straps are showing. That hasn't been the case in nearly forever! My old body had a fairly basic pound to size ratio. When I was 310 lbs, I wore a 30/32. I'm under 250 - oh right... did I mention that I'm UNDER 250 ???? I don't remember the last time that was the case, so my mind keeps saying that I should be in a 24/26, but that's not totally the case. It wasn't a science before, but now it's all over the place. I did go this afternoon to a Catherine's outlet store. I don't want to spend a ton of money on clothes, since I just don't know what size to buy and I'll say it again - I definitely do NOT want to spend a lot of money! So, I left empty-handed, but have become friendly with one of the employees, so we chatted for a bit and that was nice. The same has been true for all of my shopping escapades of late. It turns into one big frustrating mess! I'm going to wind up naked before I know it - and nobody wants to see that!
I had a appointment in the town where I grew up, so met some friends for lunch afterwards. In talking with one of my friends she asked where I wanted to go. I haven't lived there in over 20 years, so I'm not entirely sure what the options were. In talking with her, I said that breakfast is easy for me, since I can just order eggs. We decided on a place. When I walked in, all I saw were booths. In the past, this was fear-inducing. Will I fit? Will I be able to breathe? Will my belly wind up hanging onto the table? Will people stare? Last week, though - no problem! Plus, inches to spare! For anyone who's struggled with obesity that's a huge accomplishment (no pun intended). Part of me can't wait to go to our local diner. I haven't been there in many months and I'm eager to just sit down and not have to request a table - that's awfully embarrassing... or even more embarrassing is them asking if a booth is ok. This is one check in the "win" box!
Another great thing about that lunch is that I haven't seen these women in over 2 years. It was wonderful catching up in person and not just via Facebook posts and messages or texts. But, while they know this is the path I'm on now, I haven't posted any recent photographs, so I was almost giddy at their reactions. I know, it still falls under the "water-off-a-duck's-back" concept, but it was still really nice to hear. Like my doctor/surgeon says, I'm with me everyday. It's only those who don't see me for a long stretch who will really notice.
I'd been slacking a bit with exercise, but also found myself unhappy with my weight loss numbers. I'm the only one who can change that, so I sucked up the pain (to a certain level - I still have to listen to my body) and hopped back on that bike. With having a TV in that room, I can stream shows and movies through amazon prime and not have to pay for an additional FiOS box. At this point, I'm doing about 7 miles in between 23-26 minutes. I have yet to put on that bathing suit and jump into the pool for water aerobics. With my mood all over the place I am not finding the energy to get up and at 'em in time. Hence my time on the bike (plus I don't have to leave the house - huge bonus some days).
Jewelry is also an issue for larger or obese women. It's not something I'd considered before it became an issue. Necklaces don't fit properly and if they do, they become chokers when they're not meant to be. I also kept having to get a larger and larger band to wear as a wedding ring. One Christmas, hubby got my original rings sized. I cried because it was the best gift. It made me feel normal again (if that makes sense). Now those rings are getting loose. Because of the heat, they aren't in danger of falling off, but I have to keep a eye on them so I don't lose them once the weather cools. Also, out of curiosity I tried on my college ring and wouldn't you know it fit? Such an amazing feeling. I still weigh (probably) 70 lbs more than I did then, but the fact that I could get it on and not have to cut if off was another win! I won't be wearing it anytime soon, but I moved the infinity ring hubs got me for Christmas to another finger so I could get used to it there and be prepared to wear my college ring again! Woo hoo!
This may sound really odd to someone who hasn't had the experience of losing significant weight, particularly when it's rapid, but skin starts to sag. It's not pretty, but it's all part of the journey. Well, I noticed the other day that my arm flab was less taut than it used to be. Yes, that's right, I'm having skin sag! It's hard to explain it, but it's a good feeling. I'm trying not to think about skin surgery so early in my journey, but it's something I may consider down the road, depending on the condition of my body when all's said and done. Insurance doesn't typically pay for it because they see it as cosmetic so it would create a rather sizable financial burden. At the same time, having this skin issue could create other problems, medical problems. One thing at a time, though. It was just exciting that there was some evidence I was able to see!
Now, this last one is still a source of anxiety for me. In a couple of months, we are going on vacation. The dietitian said to cross that hurdle when I come to it, but it's still a big uncertainty. Food is usually a big part of vacation. You get to eat out and have some foods you would otherwise avoid (have you heard of funnel fries -- YUM!). But this year will be vastly different. I don't want the Mr. to miss out on the yummy things they have there. I also treat myself to a drink or two while we're on vacation and that's a big no-no. I'll work around it and the dietitian will coach me before we go so I have ideas for restaurants. I have the protein bars, some of which are actually delicious. I can take stuff down to make protein shakes. I just don't want to be limited to chicken for all of my restaurant meals. I do know of one place with amazing scallops; they just can't be sauteed because of the butter. But I'm sure they will grill or broil, just like the steakhouse for hubby's birthday.
I know this has been a crazy-long post and thank you if you made it all the way through. Please forgive any disjointedness or typos but I've been writing like crazy to not delay this any longer and to make sure I didn't forget anything. I know there have been people who have expressed interest in this blog and how they have found support through it or are considering the surgery and want to read more. I can't tell you how much that means to you. Part of the reason I decided to make this blog public was to help even one person. Please, please, please, ask questions! You can bet I'll be honest. Heck, at this point it's all on the table anyway. Also, don't hesitate to join the site; you'll get an alert when I post in the event that I forget to put in on FB. You can find it in a blue box on the right side, below all of my profile info and right about "followers."
Well, hopefully things will get less eventful, although every day finds something new - a new food my tastebuds like and my body agrees with (or the opposite), or what exercise has been working and what may be causing some unnecessary pain. I'll also try to check in more often so you don't feel like you've just finished reading a bad novel by the time you reach the end.
Where to start?
Part of the delay was some pain I'm having. It's all along the left side of my abdomen and the LRNP said that it wasn't pain I should be having at this stage, so I had an unexpected visit downtown. Thankfully hubby was able to take off. She (the LRNP) said that it's unlikely the pain is surgery-related, but they ordered a few tests just to see if they can determine what is causing it. I'm waiting on the results of one; the other required a pre-cert and I didn't get the info to schedule until it was too late, so I'll be calling for that appointment on Monday. I do hope they figure this out! Actually, just today (Saturday), hubby and I were out running some errands and wandering the mall - I haven't been able to walk the mall in years. I realized I could go to Chick-fil-A and get grilled nuggets. I got the 8-piece, but could only finish 5. I'll know to get the children's portion next time. Then I had to wait 30 minutes to drink, which about killed me. On top of that, I had my ongoing clothing frustrations (more about that below) and I was having some arthritis pain (you don't spend much time being morbidly obese before your body rebels!). We left to head to our main destination, and one of my absolute favorite stores - The Container Store!!!!! Unfortunately the abdominal pain increased dramatically, almost out of the blue, so hubby knew something was wrong when I wanted to leave there... and not even stop at Target on the way home. So here I sit, protein shake in next to me, typing away.
Now, I had my first experience at a restaurant. I was super anxious. A few days prior I had a hamburger and it didn't sit well. Dinner was planned for hubby's birthday and my parents were taking us to a steak and seafood restaurant. I called the dietitian in a hurry! She pulled up the menu on her computer and we went through the menu over the phone (did I mention how wonderful she is?). I assumed I'd get the scallop appetizer, but the menu didn't make it as straight-forward as it used to be; I also never paid attention before and it is a sauteed dish, therefore cooked in butter - a big no-no. We worked together to figure out a plan and a few days later, we headed down to my folks'.
The day came and I felt
Major Eating/Lifestyle Changes:
- stop drinking 15 minutes before eating
- take at a minimum, 30 minutes to eat (preferably more with the amount of nausea I've had); because of this, I've gotten used to finishing my meals cold.
- eat 4 oz meals, getting 60-80 oz of protein in daily (historically, people in my specific program have had a higher rate of success with having a protein shake/bar for one meal per day). It may not be logical, but different doctors/programs have different rules - both pre-op and post-op. It's not like removing a gall bladder or fixing a torn ligament.
- as I mentioned before, I am now permitted 1 oz of veggies and 3 oz of protein, but the protein must, must, must come first. Greek yogurt is an excellent source of protein so a number of the bariatric recipes I have include that as an ingredient, or I'll just have a cup of cherry (or whatever) and it has 12(!!!) grams of protein.
- meals should be between 3-4 hours apart
- do not drink until 30 minutes after eating (this one has been the most difficult, I think... we're all so used to drinking throughout our meals, so to not pick up my glass until 30 minutes after I'm through is an enormous change -- try it... it's HARD!)
- it is absolutely necessary to get in 64 oz - at the very least 50 oz - of water/Crystal Light (something with no caffeine, no sugar and non-carbonated) daily; dehydration is the number one reason for people to be re-admitted following surgery
I had my first session with my food/eating therapist since surgery. She's a real cheerleader for me and my journey and reminds me all the time how far I've come and how much I'm doing to follow the strict rules. I don't take compliments terribly well, so it's a bit like water-off-a-duck's-back, but she knows that. I had the same experience with my psychiatrist earlier this week. I've always been hard on myself, so it's not something new. The only person on my mental health team who has supported me throughout the entire process is my psychologist. (the food therapist is new). The psychiatrists I've seen in the past (especially the one I saw for the longest time - 9 years, I think) would have just set up another appointment and said they'd see me after surgery. All 3 of these people wanted to know as soon as possible how surgery went. My psychiatrist was really happy - surprised even - that hubby emailed her not long after the surgery was over. She thanked me/him for that and I thanked her for caring enough to ask. I haven't even been seeing her a year and she's done everything to encourage me and support this process. When I talked of the financial hardship of seeing a second therapist, she didn't think twice and told me to see her less often if that would help. She's there by email and phone if I need her.
I had an appt at the neurologist's office and talked with her about decreasing doses on some of the meds they have me on for my migraines, because they can also be used for psych purposes. They are older meds and have a greater chance to cause weight gain - working against what I'm working to do! In conjunction with my psychiatrist, I am cutting one of the biggest offenders in half (to start) and the other I take 1200 mg 3x/day and that is being cut to 900 mg 3x/day. I hope to be off my cholesterol med by the Fall, and even though my psychiatrist added back in one med (I went off it due to a variety of screw-ups) I can just pray that she will take me off the one I currently take once I'm up to a therapeutic dose.
Clothes: I'm finally starting to find myself shrinking out of clothes. I was so frustrated being stuck in the same size clothes as 50 lbs ago! But just within the past 1-2 weeks I've noticed that my shirts are sliding down my shoulders and my bra straps are showing. That hasn't been the case in nearly forever! My old body had a fairly basic pound to size ratio. When I was 310 lbs, I wore a 30/32. I'm under 250 - oh right... did I mention that I'm UNDER 250 ???? I don't remember the last time that was the case, so my mind keeps saying that I should be in a 24/26, but that's not totally the case. It wasn't a science before, but now it's all over the place. I did go this afternoon to a Catherine's outlet store. I don't want to spend a ton of money on clothes, since I just don't know what size to buy and I'll say it again - I definitely do NOT want to spend a lot of money! So, I left empty-handed, but have become friendly with one of the employees, so we chatted for a bit and that was nice. The same has been true for all of my shopping escapades of late. It turns into one big frustrating mess! I'm going to wind up naked before I know it - and nobody wants to see that!
I had a appointment in the town where I grew up, so met some friends for lunch afterwards. In talking with one of my friends she asked where I wanted to go. I haven't lived there in over 20 years, so I'm not entirely sure what the options were. In talking with her, I said that breakfast is easy for me, since I can just order eggs. We decided on a place. When I walked in, all I saw were booths. In the past, this was fear-inducing. Will I fit? Will I be able to breathe? Will my belly wind up hanging onto the table? Will people stare? Last week, though - no problem! Plus, inches to spare! For anyone who's struggled with obesity that's a huge accomplishment (no pun intended). Part of me can't wait to go to our local diner. I haven't been there in many months and I'm eager to just sit down and not have to request a table - that's awfully embarrassing... or even more embarrassing is them asking if a booth is ok. This is one check in the "win" box!
Another great thing about that lunch is that I haven't seen these women in over 2 years. It was wonderful catching up in person and not just via Facebook posts and messages or texts. But, while they know this is the path I'm on now, I haven't posted any recent photographs, so I was almost giddy at their reactions. I know, it still falls under the "water-off-a-duck's-back" concept, but it was still really nice to hear. Like my doctor/surgeon says, I'm with me everyday. It's only those who don't see me for a long stretch who will really notice.
I'd been slacking a bit with exercise, but also found myself unhappy with my weight loss numbers. I'm the only one who can change that, so I sucked up the pain (to a certain level - I still have to listen to my body) and hopped back on that bike. With having a TV in that room, I can stream shows and movies through amazon prime and not have to pay for an additional FiOS box. At this point, I'm doing about 7 miles in between 23-26 minutes. I have yet to put on that bathing suit and jump into the pool for water aerobics. With my mood all over the place I am not finding the energy to get up and at 'em in time. Hence my time on the bike (plus I don't have to leave the house - huge bonus some days).
Jewelry is also an issue for larger or obese women. It's not something I'd considered before it became an issue. Necklaces don't fit properly and if they do, they become chokers when they're not meant to be. I also kept having to get a larger and larger band to wear as a wedding ring. One Christmas, hubby got my original rings sized. I cried because it was the best gift. It made me feel normal again (if that makes sense). Now those rings are getting loose. Because of the heat, they aren't in danger of falling off, but I have to keep a eye on them so I don't lose them once the weather cools. Also, out of curiosity I tried on my college ring and wouldn't you know it fit? Such an amazing feeling. I still weigh (probably) 70 lbs more than I did then, but the fact that I could get it on and not have to cut if off was another win! I won't be wearing it anytime soon, but I moved the infinity ring hubs got me for Christmas to another finger so I could get used to it there and be prepared to wear my college ring again! Woo hoo!
This may sound really odd to someone who hasn't had the experience of losing significant weight, particularly when it's rapid, but skin starts to sag. It's not pretty, but it's all part of the journey. Well, I noticed the other day that my arm flab was less taut than it used to be. Yes, that's right, I'm having skin sag! It's hard to explain it, but it's a good feeling. I'm trying not to think about skin surgery so early in my journey, but it's something I may consider down the road, depending on the condition of my body when all's said and done. Insurance doesn't typically pay for it because they see it as cosmetic so it would create a rather sizable financial burden. At the same time, having this skin issue could create other problems, medical problems. One thing at a time, though. It was just exciting that there was some evidence I was able to see!
Now, this last one is still a source of anxiety for me. In a couple of months, we are going on vacation. The dietitian said to cross that hurdle when I come to it, but it's still a big uncertainty. Food is usually a big part of vacation. You get to eat out and have some foods you would otherwise avoid (have you heard of funnel fries -- YUM!). But this year will be vastly different. I don't want the Mr. to miss out on the yummy things they have there. I also treat myself to a drink or two while we're on vacation and that's a big no-no. I'll work around it and the dietitian will coach me before we go so I have ideas for restaurants. I have the protein bars, some of which are actually delicious. I can take stuff down to make protein shakes. I just don't want to be limited to chicken for all of my restaurant meals. I do know of one place with amazing scallops; they just can't be sauteed because of the butter. But I'm sure they will grill or broil, just like the steakhouse for hubby's birthday.
I know this has been a crazy-long post and thank you if you made it all the way through. Please forgive any disjointedness or typos but I've been writing like crazy to not delay this any longer and to make sure I didn't forget anything. I know there have been people who have expressed interest in this blog and how they have found support through it or are considering the surgery and want to read more. I can't tell you how much that means to you. Part of the reason I decided to make this blog public was to help even one person. Please, please, please, ask questions! You can bet I'll be honest. Heck, at this point it's all on the table anyway. Also, don't hesitate to join the site; you'll get an alert when I post in the event that I forget to put in on FB. You can find it in a blue box on the right side, below all of my profile info and right about "followers."
Well, hopefully things will get less eventful, although every day finds something new - a new food my tastebuds like and my body agrees with (or the opposite), or what exercise has been working and what may be causing some unnecessary pain. I'll also try to check in more often so you don't feel like you've just finished reading a bad novel by the time you reach the end.
Monday, June 20, 2016
Day 27 and Moodiness Abounds (Not to Mention Some Serious Anxiety)
I won't be weighing again until tomorrow, but I felt like I had to write.
I don't know if this is a common experience among bariatric patients, but I'm moody as all get-out. This has been happening for weeks now, but the past 48 hours have been especially difficult. I'm not exactly sure why. I know that I'm frustrated trying to figure out what to eat as I'm back on "human" food. There is a question about what came directly from the program with my doctor and dietitian and what I may have printed out from other sites. I really thought I'd only printed info from the program I used, but now I'm questioning myself and it's driving me crazy! I've been through my hospital's program over and over and can't even find what I know came from them! I'm losing my mind and getting more frustrated along the way.
I'm anxious about starting on real food, about what my pouch will tolerate and about leaving the house when I'm trying new foods. I made my final batch of pureed food today; just 2 meals left. But AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! This is scary. I haven't had real food since the middle of last month (and then there was only a few weeks prior to that when I did 2 weeks of liquids to prep for the failure). Can I eat veggies? Will my pouch allow meat? What about eating out? Keith's birthday is this week and we'll be going out to eat. I'm now supposed to have 3 oz of a high protein food and then 1 oz of veggies. But what can I eat? What should I eat? What will I eat? Will it be accepted by my sleeve?
I had gone through my bathing suits and found 2 or 3 which currently fit. I wasall mostly ready to go to water aerobics. Yesterday Keith and I went and checked out the gym so I knew where I was going, etc. I got halfway there and realized that I didn't have the lock for a locker. I wasn't about to leave my keys and wallet in an unsecured locker. Well, I got home and was SO frustrated. I admit that I was angry, thinking that Keith was the last one to touch it and he must have put it somewhere and that I didn't know where it was. Please, forgive me Keith. My anger was unfounded. I went again to check the bedroom and found the lock tucked in the quilt folds. I felt like such an idiot. My anger was for nothing and had I looked closer, I would have found it and been able to start water aerobics. Wednesday I know I won't be able to go for the class (which is fine; I can always go and walk the pool). The days I have afternoon appointments will be difficult to do the class, but somehow I have to make it work. Hey, I'll (probably) be starting at the 4 week mark. That's not half bad, huh??
That anger has really affected my mood, making it worse than it was already. I'm so ticked off! I can't handle going deeper into the darkness. I have worked so hard to make this surgery successful and I don't know how to separate the two. I started out with this stupid mental illness. I know that losing weight wasn't going to make the depression disappear. I've felt pretty good for the better part of the past several months (minus the week following the failure). Now I feel like I'm back where I started.
What the heck is going on? I'm totally unmotivated as far as the exercise is concerned. I have no interest in even getting on the bike, in spite of having the TV up there and some cool amazon prime streaming shows/movies. I've said all along, I worked so hard to make this surgery happen. The doctor visits. The tests. The clearances. The liquid diet - twice. The pureed diet. Now, the fear of returning to real food tomorrow. If my emotional state gets in the way of that, I'm not sure how I'll cope with that. I so desperately want to go off my meds, especially those which have weight gain as a common side effect. I NEED to be successful. This is the final attempt to get this fat off. I weigh myself tomorrow and have to have lost weight or I think I'll lose my mind (even more)!
Thanks for taking the time to read this. I know I've rambled about this emotion thing. It's just such a big part of who I am. I return to my food/eating therapist this week. We'll see how that goes..... Thanks again!
I don't know if this is a common experience among bariatric patients, but I'm moody as all get-out. This has been happening for weeks now, but the past 48 hours have been especially difficult. I'm not exactly sure why. I know that I'm frustrated trying to figure out what to eat as I'm back on "human" food. There is a question about what came directly from the program with my doctor and dietitian and what I may have printed out from other sites. I really thought I'd only printed info from the program I used, but now I'm questioning myself and it's driving me crazy! I've been through my hospital's program over and over and can't even find what I know came from them! I'm losing my mind and getting more frustrated along the way.
I'm anxious about starting on real food, about what my pouch will tolerate and about leaving the house when I'm trying new foods. I made my final batch of pureed food today; just 2 meals left. But AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! This is scary. I haven't had real food since the middle of last month (and then there was only a few weeks prior to that when I did 2 weeks of liquids to prep for the failure). Can I eat veggies? Will my pouch allow meat? What about eating out? Keith's birthday is this week and we'll be going out to eat. I'm now supposed to have 3 oz of a high protein food and then 1 oz of veggies. But what can I eat? What should I eat? What will I eat? Will it be accepted by my sleeve?
I had gone through my bathing suits and found 2 or 3 which currently fit. I was
That anger has really affected my mood, making it worse than it was already. I'm so ticked off! I can't handle going deeper into the darkness. I have worked so hard to make this surgery successful and I don't know how to separate the two. I started out with this stupid mental illness. I know that losing weight wasn't going to make the depression disappear. I've felt pretty good for the better part of the past several months (minus the week following the failure). Now I feel like I'm back where I started.
What the heck is going on? I'm totally unmotivated as far as the exercise is concerned. I have no interest in even getting on the bike, in spite of having the TV up there and some cool amazon prime streaming shows/movies. I've said all along, I worked so hard to make this surgery happen. The doctor visits. The tests. The clearances. The liquid diet - twice. The pureed diet. Now, the fear of returning to real food tomorrow. If my emotional state gets in the way of that, I'm not sure how I'll cope with that. I so desperately want to go off my meds, especially those which have weight gain as a common side effect. I NEED to be successful. This is the final attempt to get this fat off. I weigh myself tomorrow and have to have lost weight or I think I'll lose my mind (even more)!
Thanks for taking the time to read this. I know I've rambled about this emotion thing. It's just such a big part of who I am. I return to my food/eating therapist this week. We'll see how that goes..... Thanks again!
Thursday, May 19, 2016
The Long and Short of It
Fact: I did everything asked of me between 12/30 and 4/26, including blood work, a drug test, a nuclear stress test, an echocardiogram, a psych clearance and more.
Fact: I've had countless conversations with the nurses and dietitian at the surgeon's office.
Fact: I did 2 weeks pre-op of a liquid-only diet (which is nothing shy of torture).
Fact: My husband took a day off of work the day of my surgery.
Fact: My attempt at a vertical sleeve gastrectomy on 4/26 failed due to dangerously low blood pressure and oxygen levels.
Fact: I had multiple checks of my blood pressure at my PCP's office after finally discontinuing one of my blood pressure medications
Now that we have that out of the way...
I am back on the liquid diet, but true to his word, the surgeon is only making me endure one week of liquids (oh, and FYI: don't bother plain broth unless you have no interest in taste). Thanks to a dear friend from church, I was introduced to a whole new world (is anyone else singing the song from Aladdin?) of sugar-free coffee syrups and no longer limited to the 3 options at Target. Don't get me wrong, but they were getting a bit dull. So I discovered that there is an entirely separate brand of these syrups and it's life-altering. Ok, that may sound extreme to you, but please know that I am not exaggerating. Keith would have long-since killed me had I been limited to chocolate and vanilla. I can also enjoy sugar-free Jell-O! Who would have thought that would warrant a WOO HOO?!?
So, what does all of this mean? It means that I am scheduled for surgery this coming Tuesday, 5/24! I admit that I'm having a hard time getting as excited this time around. I fear something else will go wrong and I'll be destroyed again. Let me make it clear that LOGICALLY and INTELLECTUALLY, I know that I did everything I was supposed to, to the letter. However, there is part of me that feels like, had I done something different or better, I would have a month's jump on my recovery. I should be beyond another 2 weeks of liquids AND the dreaded 2 weeks of pureed food. I should be adding in "human" food now. I should be trying foods, a little at a time to see what the sleeve will tolerate. As one of my doctors would say "I'm should-ing all over this situation."
Now that it's almost the weekend and then there's only one day left of Keith being at work, we'll be headed to the hospital... well, now I'm starting to get a little cheery. I pray that will turn into outright excitement by Tuesday morning.
For now, I'll drink (sugar-free, non-carbonated, and while I rarely do, non-alcoholic) and I'll enjoy some Jell-O. I think I should get a royalty for that one, but for now, I'll just enjoy it.
I have been consistent (since my initial junk food pity party), I have been on that exercise bike. I'm up to 15 minutes and doing about 5 miles +/- . In fact, I bought a TV for Keith to mount on the wall in the room where the bike is. Right now, I spend the first part of my ride ( varying) praying, but after that, there is little to do but watch the numbers: the seconds tick by, the distance trudges along, and the calories... well, that's just downright depressing! I know the TV will help and with Amazon Prime, I'll have a choice of non-daytime television options.
For now, let the countdown continue.
Fact: I've had countless conversations with the nurses and dietitian at the surgeon's office.
Fact: I did 2 weeks pre-op of a liquid-only diet (which is nothing shy of torture).
Fact: My husband took a day off of work the day of my surgery.
Fact: My attempt at a vertical sleeve gastrectomy on 4/26 failed due to dangerously low blood pressure and oxygen levels.
Fact: I had multiple checks of my blood pressure at my PCP's office after finally discontinuing one of my blood pressure medications
Now that we have that out of the way...
I am back on the liquid diet, but true to his word, the surgeon is only making me endure one week of liquids (oh, and FYI: don't bother plain broth unless you have no interest in taste). Thanks to a dear friend from church, I was introduced to a whole new world (is anyone else singing the song from Aladdin?) of sugar-free coffee syrups and no longer limited to the 3 options at Target. Don't get me wrong, but they were getting a bit dull. So I discovered that there is an entirely separate brand of these syrups and it's life-altering. Ok, that may sound extreme to you, but please know that I am not exaggerating. Keith would have long-since killed me had I been limited to chocolate and vanilla. I can also enjoy sugar-free Jell-O! Who would have thought that would warrant a WOO HOO?!?
So, what does all of this mean? It means that I am scheduled for surgery this coming Tuesday, 5/24! I admit that I'm having a hard time getting as excited this time around. I fear something else will go wrong and I'll be destroyed again. Let me make it clear that LOGICALLY and INTELLECTUALLY, I know that I did everything I was supposed to, to the letter. However, there is part of me that feels like, had I done something different or better, I would have a month's jump on my recovery. I should be beyond another 2 weeks of liquids AND the dreaded 2 weeks of pureed food. I should be adding in "human" food now. I should be trying foods, a little at a time to see what the sleeve will tolerate. As one of my doctors would say "I'm should-ing all over this situation."
Now that it's almost the weekend and then there's only one day left of Keith being at work, we'll be headed to the hospital... well, now I'm starting to get a little cheery. I pray that will turn into outright excitement by Tuesday morning.
For now, I'll drink (sugar-free, non-carbonated, and while I rarely do, non-alcoholic) and I'll enjoy some Jell-O. I think I should get a royalty for that one, but for now, I'll just enjoy it.
I have been consistent (since my initial junk food pity party), I have been on that exercise bike. I'm up to 15 minutes and doing about 5 miles +/- . In fact, I bought a TV for Keith to mount on the wall in the room where the bike is. Right now, I spend the first part of my ride ( varying) praying, but after that, there is little to do but watch the numbers: the seconds tick by, the distance trudges along, and the calories... well, that's just downright depressing! I know the TV will help and with Amazon Prime, I'll have a choice of non-daytime television options.
For now, let the countdown continue.
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Pre-Op Work-Up
Oh my word, this has been one heck of a journey so far and I'm only just starting. It is required for all bariatric surgery candidates to have a list of clearances before surgery. I needed a psych eval and my psychologist of nearly 16 years could provide far more information than any psychiatrist they would have me talk with for a couple of hours. I needed a sleep study. Well, I already use a C-Pap, so I just had the doc print out a report of recent use. I needed some initial blood work, which I had done from my primary a few weeks prior. I mailed all of that out to them. Finally is my cardiac clearance. He wanted me to have a nuclear stress test (since I can't go running on a treadmill - if I couldn't I likely wouldn't need the surgery in the first place) and an echo. I received calls after each of these to say that the results showed no abnormalities. I see the cardiologist on Monday and assume I will have that clearance then. The surgeon's office also ordered a number of labs, but when I went to have them done, I found out that my insurance wasn't going to cover those tests under the diagnostic code they used, which had added up to well over $500 and they hadn't run all of them through. I called the nurse at the surgeon's office to see if there was another code they could use (of course without committing insurance fraud). She called the lab and there are hoops she needs to jump through.
So, the next step is an endoscopy. The doctor is willing to allow me to do it in the hospital out here in the suburbs (usually all of this is done downtown and I don't drive downtown). He is going to speak with my GI to coordinate something.
I'm drinking protein drinks one meal per day (at this point) and am having high protein yogurt at least once a day. I'm testing things out and figuring out what works. I got a special bariatric surgery cookbook and it is providing a ton of information!
We joined a gym, although my membership is suspended for now. They offer aquatic classes and I plan on doing that. I don't know when I'll be allowed back in the pool and right now, I'm just waiting to see when surgery is. In the meantime I am riding my exercise bike. I'm losing - slowly but surely, I'm losing some pounds.
I am going to see an additional therapist to deal solely with my food and eating issues. I mean, obviously I have some, since I am a hippo. I can't go back to eating the way that caused me to become this.... well.... fat. I am an emotional eater and did find a book which deals with this topic, too. Perhaps it will be a jumping off point for that therapy. We'll see. My OCD has had me create a binder of information, printed from the computer and in page protectors, divided by topic. So yeah, I'm well-versed and ready to tackle this!
When's surgery? Everyone asks and I have to explain the above process to them. Hopefully soon I can give a solid date! Excited and Terrified. That's where I stand. And I think that's normal.
So, the next step is an endoscopy. The doctor is willing to allow me to do it in the hospital out here in the suburbs (usually all of this is done downtown and I don't drive downtown). He is going to speak with my GI to coordinate something.
I'm drinking protein drinks one meal per day (at this point) and am having high protein yogurt at least once a day. I'm testing things out and figuring out what works. I got a special bariatric surgery cookbook and it is providing a ton of information!
We joined a gym, although my membership is suspended for now. They offer aquatic classes and I plan on doing that. I don't know when I'll be allowed back in the pool and right now, I'm just waiting to see when surgery is. In the meantime I am riding my exercise bike. I'm losing - slowly but surely, I'm losing some pounds.
I am going to see an additional therapist to deal solely with my food and eating issues. I mean, obviously I have some, since I am a hippo. I can't go back to eating the way that caused me to become this.... well.... fat. I am an emotional eater and did find a book which deals with this topic, too. Perhaps it will be a jumping off point for that therapy. We'll see. My OCD has had me create a binder of information, printed from the computer and in page protectors, divided by topic. So yeah, I'm well-versed and ready to tackle this!
When's surgery? Everyone asks and I have to explain the above process to them. Hopefully soon I can give a solid date! Excited and Terrified. That's where I stand. And I think that's normal.
Saturday, February 6, 2016
Bariatric Update
Hey all! I figured it was time for an update, so here it is :)
My psychologist has written a letter of support and approval for me to have the surgery. When I met with the cardiologist he wanted to wait until I had a few tests before giving his ok. I had a nuclear stress test two weeks ago and an echo last week. I see him on the 15th and expect full go-ahead.
I've been testing some protein drinks/shakes and went through what the dietitian sent with a highlighter and pen. I have studied my little heart out. I'm also setting up a consult with a therapist simply for eating and food issues. I've seen her before when my psychologist was gone and she was his student.
The next step is to have an endoscopy. The nurse said that they typically wait until later in the process before scheduling this, when I called and asked it to schedule since it will require some coordination (using my GI doc with the surgeon in the room). She called and said that the surgeon will be in touch with the GI doc in the next couple of weeks.
The nurse called to tell me that she received the information I sent with my C-Pap report and most recent blood work. She expressed some concern over my triglycerides and is sending me a script for new labs (which they run anyway). My sugar levels are elevated and there is a slight debate over if I should have a diabetes diagnosis or if I can be considered pre-diabetic assuming that my levels will decrease post-op.
After the endoscopy, I was told that the surgery is scheduled about 6 weeks out. In the meantime, I'm having a protein shake for breakfast and working to keep my sweets and carbs in check. The latter is HARD! I was so cranky yesterday because I fought the urge to have some Skinny Cow chocolates. I have to at least start to make big changes and not wait until after the operation. I will be on a liquid diet for both the 2 weeks pre- and post-op, then 2 weeks of pureed food (I refuse to eat pureed chicken!).
My husband and I have joined a gym, at which I will use the pool - possibly taking an aquatics class. My membership is on hold for now until I know when surgery is. I'm sure I'll be limited after surgery and will likely not be in the pool for some time. I did speak with the location nearest to me and she said that I can always activate my membership now and then freeze it again when I have surgery. I loathe the thought of squeezing myself into a bathing suit, but the exercise may help me lose some weight and get into a routine. For now, we'll see.....
I am both excited and terrified, but I have to do it. I'll try to post more often, or at least as I have updates.
My psychologist has written a letter of support and approval for me to have the surgery. When I met with the cardiologist he wanted to wait until I had a few tests before giving his ok. I had a nuclear stress test two weeks ago and an echo last week. I see him on the 15th and expect full go-ahead.
I've been testing some protein drinks/shakes and went through what the dietitian sent with a highlighter and pen. I have studied my little heart out. I'm also setting up a consult with a therapist simply for eating and food issues. I've seen her before when my psychologist was gone and she was his student.
The next step is to have an endoscopy. The nurse said that they typically wait until later in the process before scheduling this, when I called and asked it to schedule since it will require some coordination (using my GI doc with the surgeon in the room). She called and said that the surgeon will be in touch with the GI doc in the next couple of weeks.
The nurse called to tell me that she received the information I sent with my C-Pap report and most recent blood work. She expressed some concern over my triglycerides and is sending me a script for new labs (which they run anyway). My sugar levels are elevated and there is a slight debate over if I should have a diabetes diagnosis or if I can be considered pre-diabetic assuming that my levels will decrease post-op.
After the endoscopy, I was told that the surgery is scheduled about 6 weeks out. In the meantime, I'm having a protein shake for breakfast and working to keep my sweets and carbs in check. The latter is HARD! I was so cranky yesterday because I fought the urge to have some Skinny Cow chocolates. I have to at least start to make big changes and not wait until after the operation. I will be on a liquid diet for both the 2 weeks pre- and post-op, then 2 weeks of pureed food (I refuse to eat pureed chicken!).
My husband and I have joined a gym, at which I will use the pool - possibly taking an aquatics class. My membership is on hold for now until I know when surgery is. I'm sure I'll be limited after surgery and will likely not be in the pool for some time. I did speak with the location nearest to me and she said that I can always activate my membership now and then freeze it again when I have surgery. I loathe the thought of squeezing myself into a bathing suit, but the exercise may help me lose some weight and get into a routine. For now, we'll see.....
I am both excited and terrified, but I have to do it. I'll try to post more often, or at least as I have updates.
Thursday, January 14, 2016
Taking the Plunge - Here's the Skinny
So it's true. I've decided. I'm going to have bariatric surgery! I know there are a couple of choices offered by my doctor's office and that the lap band isn't one of them. I think they were finding issues with it being a foreign body and slipping, but I'm sure that's not the case for everyone.
First, I should offer some info on the two procedures my doctor does.
Gastric bypass is the more drastic surgery, as it re-routes your digestive tract. It is also a longer surgery.
There are two steps during gastric bypass (emphasis mine) surgery:
First, I should offer some info on the two procedures my doctor does.
Gastric bypass is the more drastic surgery, as it re-routes your digestive tract. It is also a longer surgery.
There are two steps during gastric bypass (emphasis mine) surgery:
- The first step makes your stomach smaller. Your surgeon uses staples to divide your stomach into a small upper section and a larger bottom section. The top section of your stomach (called the pouch) is where the food you eat will go. The pouch is about the size of a walnut. It holds only about 1 ounce (oz) of food. Because of this you will eat less and lose weight.
- The second step is the bypass. Your surgeon connects a small part of your small intestine (the jejunum) to a small hole in your pouch. The food you eat will now travel from the pouch into this new opening and into your small intestine. As a result, your body will absorb fewer calories.
In [sleeve gastrectomy, aka: gastric sleeve]
Your surgeon makes 2 to 5 small cuts (incisions) in your belly.
- The scope and instruments needed to perform the surgery are inserted through these cuts.
- The camera is connected to a video monitor in the operating room. This allows the surgeon to view inside your belly while doing the operation.
- Your surgeon removes most of your stomach.
- The remaining portions of your stomach are joined together using surgical staples. This creates a long vertical tube or banana-shaped stomach.
- The surgery does not involve cutting or changing the sphincter muscles that allow food to enter or leave the stomach.
- The scope and other tools are removed. The cuts are stitched closed.
First I have to say - Praise God for laproscopic surgery!
I have chosen to have the sleeve procedure. Of course there are a plethora of tests before I am fully approved, but some of them I've had and others are simple. I do not drive in the city. Period. I saw the doctor in a satellite office and would like to see other docs in the general area. Hey, I'm open to 4-5 counties but not, I repeat NOT the city! While he operates in the city, my husband will be taking me and bringing me home (I'll be in 1-2 days barring any unforeseeable complications), so no city driving for me! My doc is so fabulous and is willing to work with me. For the psych eval, he will take a letter from my psychologist (an eval with their doc will offer far less in depth information. I have already had a sleep study and use a C-Pap machine. I can use an affiliated cardiologist here in the 'burbs. For the endoscopy, he knows my gastroenterologist and said he'd like to coordinate that so he can be in the room and view the procedure. I've had phone consults with both the nurse and the dietitian, who have encouraged me to call with questions and they will be in touch on a regular basis to ask if I have questions and to guide me through the steps both pre-op and post-op.
Certainly, as with any surgery, there are risks. I have researched them extensively. I know how my lifestyle MUST change after surgery. Not only will I be incredibly limited with what foods and how much food I can eat, but I know I will get sick if I go against the set regimen. Right now, I am trying different protein drinks to see what I like and what I don't. That way, when I get to the time where I am limited to only those drinks, I won't have to mess around with them and learn that some are downright disgusting! I am prepared to follow the plan and to exercise as soon as I'm medically cleared and have lost enough weight that the strain on my back is minimal. I'm not so much focused on the scale, but as a self-proclaimed "fat chick" the scale will always be a tool in gauging where I stand. Of course the way clothes fit and the ability to do more and more exercise will be huge indicators as well.
Because I take so many meds and drink intake at one sitting is limited, I am concerned about that, but have already alerted my doc to that concern. I'll speak more with the dietitian and RN about that.
Certainly, as with any surgery, there are risks. I have researched them extensively. I know how my lifestyle MUST change after surgery. Not only will I be incredibly limited with what foods and how much food I can eat, but I know I will get sick if I go against the set regimen. Right now, I am trying different protein drinks to see what I like and what I don't. That way, when I get to the time where I am limited to only those drinks, I won't have to mess around with them and learn that some are downright disgusting! I am prepared to follow the plan and to exercise as soon as I'm medically cleared and have lost enough weight that the strain on my back is minimal. I'm not so much focused on the scale, but as a self-proclaimed "fat chick" the scale will always be a tool in gauging where I stand. Of course the way clothes fit and the ability to do more and more exercise will be huge indicators as well.
Because I take so many meds and drink intake at one sitting is limited, I am concerned about that, but have already alerted my doc to that concern. I'll speak more with the dietitian and RN about that.
That's all for now. If you've had the sleeve, please let me know what your experience was. If you have questions, I have a huge binder full of information!
Friday, January 1, 2016
Title-less
It's January 1st and here I sit at my computer. I have no "resolutions." I don't care. Maybe because it's the fact that I'm stuck in an incredibly deep depression and my marriage is a mess. Maybe it's because I'm super cynical find resolutions to be ridiculous. I mean whatever we say today is usually broken by the end of the week or the month. Very few of us actually do those things we resolve to do. Whatever it is, I don't make them.
Ok, I got that out of the way. I want to share that I've seen a bariatric surgeon. He believes I'm a good candidate for a gastric sleeve. Here is some information about the sleeve, but the site also includes oodles of information about bariatric surgery, including an hour-long webinar which offers a lot of information. It's basically a doctor talking while you stare at Power Point slides. It's not the most interesting of things, but it gets the job done, plus I had to watch it before my appointment. It's not anything that's inserted, nor do they re-route any part of your digestive system. They simply staple off part of your stomach. This both makes your stomach smaller, but releases your body from experiencing the hormone that makes us feel hungry.
The doctor was wonderful. He spent nearly an hour with me! I recorded it so that I can refer back to it. The city where the doctor will perform the surgery is in the city. I saw him at a local office (30 mins, which is local for this area) and during the course of the appointment, told him that I don't drive in the city and he is totally willing to work with me. There are a number of tests and evaluations necessary for the surgery to be performed. One is a sleep study - already had one done and I use the C-Pap; one is a psych eval - since I've seen my psychologist for nearly 16 years, he will take a statement from him (who is the one who brought it up in the first place). They also need an endoscopy. I had one several months ago, but despite me telling them that I vomit with Propofol (they said it is the med of choice for those who do experience nausea and/or vomiting after a procedure), they gave it to me and the doctor couldn't finish the procedure because - guess what (?) - I vomited in the middle of it. The bariatric doc wants to be in the room so he can watch the screen and know what to expect if there are anything which would interfere with the surgery, since my upper GI tract is involved. Additionally I need a cardiac eval and he is comfortable with me seeing one locally. I saw one many years ago and know that he's in the same practice as my husbands doc, but may wind up seeing whoever has an appointment available. There is also a consult with a nurse practitioner and a nutritionist/dietitian, but he said those can be done over the phone. I love this guy! It doesn't hurt that he is the husband of one of the docs in the practice where my Mom (an RN) works. It makes trusting him easier.
When we talked about the psych eval and my doc, he said that I understand the procedure and have done my research (I have a very full binder with tons of info, using page protectors, of course!). He also said that I was asking all the right questions, so he feels comfortable with my psychologist covering that end of things. Oh, and I have my entire medical history and a bunch of other things typed up since I'll never remember it all - it's too long and complicated, plus I'm on so many meds there's no way I'd know them all, especially if they want dosage and times! He can see that I am "together" mentally, especially after seeing my OCD paperwork.
I asked how long it usually takes from the initial appointment. I expected him to say 6+ months, especially after all of the testing. Granted some of my testing is already "taken care of" but his answer was 6-8 WEEKS! Ahhhhhhh! That's soon. While I'm excited, I'm also terrified. This is an enormous lifestyle change and I guess it feels like that's a fast time to prepare mentally. On the other hand, the sooner the better, right?
In other news, I became a consultant for Thirty-One. My timing is pretty terrible as I'm dealing with the surgical stuff, but hopefully I can get something out of it, even if it's just a good group of Christian women supporting each other... and hopefully there are some close to me.
Well, "life" calls, so I have to say good-bye for now. I'll try to write again sooner next time - I know I say that every time, but if I'm going to be down for a couple of weeks I expect to be online more. So, happy new year! I wish you all the best.
Ok, I got that out of the way. I want to share that I've seen a bariatric surgeon. He believes I'm a good candidate for a gastric sleeve. Here is some information about the sleeve, but the site also includes oodles of information about bariatric surgery, including an hour-long webinar which offers a lot of information. It's basically a doctor talking while you stare at Power Point slides. It's not the most interesting of things, but it gets the job done, plus I had to watch it before my appointment. It's not anything that's inserted, nor do they re-route any part of your digestive system. They simply staple off part of your stomach. This both makes your stomach smaller, but releases your body from experiencing the hormone that makes us feel hungry.
The doctor was wonderful. He spent nearly an hour with me! I recorded it so that I can refer back to it. The city where the doctor will perform the surgery is in the city. I saw him at a local office (30 mins, which is local for this area) and during the course of the appointment, told him that I don't drive in the city and he is totally willing to work with me. There are a number of tests and evaluations necessary for the surgery to be performed. One is a sleep study - already had one done and I use the C-Pap; one is a psych eval - since I've seen my psychologist for nearly 16 years, he will take a statement from him (who is the one who brought it up in the first place). They also need an endoscopy. I had one several months ago, but despite me telling them that I vomit with Propofol (they said it is the med of choice for those who do experience nausea and/or vomiting after a procedure), they gave it to me and the doctor couldn't finish the procedure because - guess what (?) - I vomited in the middle of it. The bariatric doc wants to be in the room so he can watch the screen and know what to expect if there are anything which would interfere with the surgery, since my upper GI tract is involved. Additionally I need a cardiac eval and he is comfortable with me seeing one locally. I saw one many years ago and know that he's in the same practice as my husbands doc, but may wind up seeing whoever has an appointment available. There is also a consult with a nurse practitioner and a nutritionist/dietitian, but he said those can be done over the phone. I love this guy! It doesn't hurt that he is the husband of one of the docs in the practice where my Mom (an RN) works. It makes trusting him easier.
When we talked about the psych eval and my doc, he said that I understand the procedure and have done my research (I have a very full binder with tons of info, using page protectors, of course!). He also said that I was asking all the right questions, so he feels comfortable with my psychologist covering that end of things. Oh, and I have my entire medical history and a bunch of other things typed up since I'll never remember it all - it's too long and complicated, plus I'm on so many meds there's no way I'd know them all, especially if they want dosage and times! He can see that I am "together" mentally, especially after seeing my OCD paperwork.
I asked how long it usually takes from the initial appointment. I expected him to say 6+ months, especially after all of the testing. Granted some of my testing is already "taken care of" but his answer was 6-8 WEEKS! Ahhhhhhh! That's soon. While I'm excited, I'm also terrified. This is an enormous lifestyle change and I guess it feels like that's a fast time to prepare mentally. On the other hand, the sooner the better, right?
In other news, I became a consultant for Thirty-One. My timing is pretty terrible as I'm dealing with the surgical stuff, but hopefully I can get something out of it, even if it's just a good group of Christian women supporting each other... and hopefully there are some close to me.
Well, "life" calls, so I have to say good-bye for now. I'll try to write again sooner next time - I know I say that every time, but if I'm going to be down for a couple of weeks I expect to be online more. So, happy new year! I wish you all the best.
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Dear Fat People (link), Followed by My Musings....
I'm going to just post the link to this video and a response.
I am one of those "obese" people.... I am super obese or morbidly obese. You may have seen this video already. In fact, since I've been gone for a while, I missed all of the hoopla surrounding this. I'm glad I did. I'm in a pretty vulnerable place right now and hearing all of this (I'm sure it was all over Facebook, too!) may have done me a lot of harm. I am not a fan of the language they use, but I think it gets the point across.
I'd like to know who got together and decided what BMI is and what weight/height determines your BMI. Several years ago I was trying to determine my BMI and came across these numbers (I'm sorry, I've forgotten the site so cannot reference it directly):
>18.5 = underweight
18.5-24.9 = "normal"
25-29.9 = overweight
30-34.9 = obese
35-39.9 = severely obese
40-49.9 = morbidly obese
50-59.9 = super obese
Another stat I found at that time was that the CDC says a person who is 5'5" and 180 lbs has a BMI of 30. Yes, that is heavy, but obese? I think we're putting ourselves in these boxes that force us to reach a certain number, be it weight or BMI. We're trapped by that number, as if it defines who we are. I am fat and it is the first thing people notice about me, making it the last thing sometimes. Hubby and I switch between 2 different eateries before we go to the grocery store. We often have the same servers. They often won't recognize us until they see me. I am fat. I am memorable because of it. That is truth.
Here is the NIH BMI calculator. Frankly, I find it absurd. I once found myself getting excited that I was severely obese. I had lost enough weight that my BMI made me slightly less likely to die from the effects of being a fat chick.
What are your thoughts? How do you determine when you've reached a goal you have in mind for losing weight? Personally, I want to walk up a flight of stairs without getting out of breath. I'd like to take my dogs for a long walk. I'd like to fit in a bathroom stall comfortably. I'd like to take walks with my husband. I'd like to not squish my husband in an airplane - I mean you have to admit that you or someone you know is thankful they aren't next to the fat girl on an airplane. I'd like to be comfortable in my clothes (being comfortable in my body is too far off to be realistic; I've spent 43+ years hating myself and my body so that won't get fixed by losing weight). I'd like to go into a medical appointment and be told that I have to lose weight - some docs have gone so far as to say that I need to lose 150 lbs, as if that will solve all of my problems. I'd like to shop in a store and not be limited to clothes in a catalog, hoping they fit. I actually hit the last one about this time last year, but both my husband and myself went on some binges. My emotional eating came out in full a lot and I gained back all the weight and more. Now I have to lay on my bed and suck my stomach in after putting on jeans or shorts and sitting in them for a bit to stretch them out so they will hopefully button and zip. Even then, it's quite a chore to get them on again.
So, those are my musings immediately after hearing of this video and watching it, as well as the response. I do want to add that I accept the responsibility for each and every bite of food I put in my mouth. It is my doing that I can't walk well. I also want to say that my age (43), my medications, and both of those add in to a horrible metabolism, making it even more difficult to lose weight.
I'd really love to hear others' thoughts.
I am one of those "obese" people.... I am super obese or morbidly obese. You may have seen this video already. In fact, since I've been gone for a while, I missed all of the hoopla surrounding this. I'm glad I did. I'm in a pretty vulnerable place right now and hearing all of this (I'm sure it was all over Facebook, too!) may have done me a lot of harm. I am not a fan of the language they use, but I think it gets the point across.
I'd like to know who got together and decided what BMI is and what weight/height determines your BMI. Several years ago I was trying to determine my BMI and came across these numbers (I'm sorry, I've forgotten the site so cannot reference it directly):
>18.5 = underweight
18.5-24.9 = "normal"
25-29.9 = overweight
30-34.9 = obese
35-39.9 = severely obese
40-49.9 = morbidly obese
50-59.9 = super obese
Another stat I found at that time was that the CDC says a person who is 5'5" and 180 lbs has a BMI of 30. Yes, that is heavy, but obese? I think we're putting ourselves in these boxes that force us to reach a certain number, be it weight or BMI. We're trapped by that number, as if it defines who we are. I am fat and it is the first thing people notice about me, making it the last thing sometimes. Hubby and I switch between 2 different eateries before we go to the grocery store. We often have the same servers. They often won't recognize us until they see me. I am fat. I am memorable because of it. That is truth.
Here is the NIH BMI calculator. Frankly, I find it absurd. I once found myself getting excited that I was severely obese. I had lost enough weight that my BMI made me slightly less likely to die from the effects of being a fat chick.
What are your thoughts? How do you determine when you've reached a goal you have in mind for losing weight? Personally, I want to walk up a flight of stairs without getting out of breath. I'd like to take my dogs for a long walk. I'd like to fit in a bathroom stall comfortably. I'd like to take walks with my husband. I'd like to not squish my husband in an airplane - I mean you have to admit that you or someone you know is thankful they aren't next to the fat girl on an airplane. I'd like to be comfortable in my clothes (being comfortable in my body is too far off to be realistic; I've spent 43+ years hating myself and my body so that won't get fixed by losing weight). I'd like to go into a medical appointment and be told that I have to lose weight - some docs have gone so far as to say that I need to lose 150 lbs, as if that will solve all of my problems. I'd like to shop in a store and not be limited to clothes in a catalog, hoping they fit. I actually hit the last one about this time last year, but both my husband and myself went on some binges. My emotional eating came out in full a lot and I gained back all the weight and more. Now I have to lay on my bed and suck my stomach in after putting on jeans or shorts and sitting in them for a bit to stretch them out so they will hopefully button and zip. Even then, it's quite a chore to get them on again.
So, those are my musings immediately after hearing of this video and watching it, as well as the response. I do want to add that I accept the responsibility for each and every bite of food I put in my mouth. It is my doing that I can't walk well. I also want to say that my age (43), my medications, and both of those add in to a horrible metabolism, making it even more difficult to lose weight.
I'd really love to hear others' thoughts.
Monday, April 20, 2015
Make it STOP!
Medical update: some of my medical stuff has been moved around and moved to later dates. This is a good thing! I did see the physiatrist today and she ordered some x-rays (which I did downstairs from their office) and an MRI as well as wanting me be back in aquatic therapy. Ugh!
In other news, you can check out my other blog: taleoftwodogs.blogspot.com where I picked up a feeder for one of our pups. She tends to inhale her food... literally. But today, all of that changed. We got her this thing which makes her "fight" for her food (not the right word). There is a video on the blog and you'll see what I mean.
In other news, I've been falling asleep in front of the TV. Sitting up and falling asleep. I had attributed it to one of my meds, but now that I'm off that med and it's still happening I have to come up with a new theory. That will take some work. Haha
Good news is that I am up to chapter 14 in Genesis. Most days I do it when hubby isn't home. On these days, the dogs get to hear a Bible reading. I wonder if any of it is sinking in. In any event, one chapter at a time - at least while the chapters are of reasonable length, in which case I read part of a chapter at a time. It'll all sink in, however fast I read it.
That sort of covers it here. I still have tons and tons of medical stuff keeping me busy. Am I the only one living an insane life (especially with no kids and no job)?
In other news, you can check out my other blog: taleoftwodogs.blogspot.com where I picked up a feeder for one of our pups. She tends to inhale her food... literally. But today, all of that changed. We got her this thing which makes her "fight" for her food (not the right word). There is a video on the blog and you'll see what I mean.
In other news, I've been falling asleep in front of the TV. Sitting up and falling asleep. I had attributed it to one of my meds, but now that I'm off that med and it's still happening I have to come up with a new theory. That will take some work. Haha
Good news is that I am up to chapter 14 in Genesis. Most days I do it when hubby isn't home. On these days, the dogs get to hear a Bible reading. I wonder if any of it is sinking in. In any event, one chapter at a time - at least while the chapters are of reasonable length, in which case I read part of a chapter at a time. It'll all sink in, however fast I read it.
That sort of covers it here. I still have tons and tons of medical stuff keeping me busy. Am I the only one living an insane life (especially with no kids and no job)?
Monday, April 13, 2015
Warning: Medical Ranting, Venting, and Complaining Ahead
Don't say I didn't warn you!
In the next 2 weeks I am scheduled for something nearly every day. FYI: last week wasn't much better. But I digress...
I can barely breathe just typing it.
Now, I did contact the physiatrist this afternoon to let her know that I fell on Friday. In the basement. Onto the concrete. I'm in some serious pain. My back seems worse. My right knee took a hit. My right ankle twisted when I landed. I think some damage was done to my left ankle, on which I had surgery that had me laid up for the better part of 2 months.
Yeah, I'm cranky.
I'm a stress eater.
I'm trying to get back onto the Weight Watchers program.
This does not add up. But.... I won't be home very often to be tempted. Oy!
As a PS: I know that most people would be envious of my schedule. I just have to respond by saying that I am bipolar currently in a depression so severe the docs have talked of me being hospitalized. Oh, and my agoraphobia has surfaced a little bit, so going out, especially by myself, is pretty scary. So, I'll go back to working full-time if I could get rid of some of this junk!!! I'll leave it at that.
I want to add Bible study to this list. It's something I look forward to each week, but it makes life (and dinner!) more insane.
Thank you if you've made it to the end of this post.
In the next 2 weeks I am scheduled for something nearly every day. FYI: last week wasn't much better. But I digress...
- We're talking aquatic therapy 3 times each week.
- There is therapy once a week.
- I saw my psychiatrist this morning (and traffic was a mess, so was taking some deep <fat girl> breaths as I made it to my appointment)
- I have the CT urogram this week - where they catheterize me and inject a dye in my bladder, then follow it with a CT (hence the name LOL)
- I had blood work to do before I could do the CT
- I will be seeing the physiatrist for a follow-up
- There is the oh-so-fun EMG at the neurologist's to evaluate my carpal tunnel
- Then I see the hand specialist the day after the EMG to see where things stand, since I had the cortisone shots in both hands during two separate visits.
- A week after the CT, I will see a urogynecologist who will do some sort of test requiring catheterization
- I am on a committee for a seminar at my church. I have a meeting for that tomorrow night. The event is on Saturday.
I can barely breathe just typing it.
Now, I did contact the physiatrist this afternoon to let her know that I fell on Friday. In the basement. Onto the concrete. I'm in some serious pain. My back seems worse. My right knee took a hit. My right ankle twisted when I landed. I think some damage was done to my left ankle, on which I had surgery that had me laid up for the better part of 2 months.
Yeah, I'm cranky.
I'm a stress eater.
I'm trying to get back onto the Weight Watchers program.
This does not add up. But.... I won't be home very often to be tempted. Oy!
As a PS: I know that most people would be envious of my schedule. I just have to respond by saying that I am bipolar currently in a depression so severe the docs have talked of me being hospitalized. Oh, and my agoraphobia has surfaced a little bit, so going out, especially by myself, is pretty scary. So, I'll go back to working full-time if I could get rid of some of this junk!!! I'll leave it at that.
I want to add Bible study to this list. It's something I look forward to each week, but it makes life (and dinner!) more insane.
Thank you if you've made it to the end of this post.
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