It's not easy to admit, but my mood has taken a real hit since surgery was cancelled. This process has been very difficult for me for reasons I'm choosing not to reveal in such an open forum. Suffice it to say, having to delay it has really affected me. I feel more depressed and sometimes that means I want to eat emotionally - which is never veggies, I can tell you that!
I'm on a newer mood stabilizer, but have maxed out the dose. It's another month until I see the nurse practitioner so for now, I deal.
What does that look like? It means getting as much sleep as I can. I have a bunch of chronic illnesses (doesn't it seem like it should be illni?) so sleep can often evade me. I must maintain good sleep hygiene. I try to steer clear of the junk food. While I'm only ever able to do small amounts anyway, it's best to try to avoid the junk totally. It means I keep all of my doctor appointments - with all doctors. It means taking all of my meds, except those I'm now under mandate to stop (vitamins and supplements, most of which I'm taking since the bariatric surgery and aspirin). It means trying to move... to do something physical. I haven't been back to the trainer since the week before surgery was rescheduled. I have an exercise bike here at the house and I'll ride that for several miles while streaming something to distract myself. I've also taken on the enormous task, both with and without my husband, of walking the dogs. The fresh air won't hurt -- when it's not snowing (can I say - what's up with April snow?? I suspect it doesn't bring May flowers... just sayin'). It means maintaining relationships and not isolating, but keeping good boundaries and making very intentional decisions about when and what I do so I don't overdo it. That's the short list. And it's exhausting.
Tonight it means I'm going to bed super early. I see the surgeon in the morning to get final clearance for surgery. I did see a dermatologist about a week and a half ago and she was going to send a letter to the surgeon offering her opinion (which would not pose a problem with surgery moving forward on Friday).
Yes, this is a short post.... you're welcome ;) But having a lot of stress in my life does pretty horrible things to my mood and I felt like addressing it here was somehow necessary.
Showing posts with label therapist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label therapist. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 3, 2018
Sunday, July 10, 2016
New Experiences - 46 Days Out (this number has changed many times as I continue to write, and write, and write....)
Wow, this has been a crazy time! I'm sorry I've neglected this for so long. I started to write a couple of weeks ago, but then... well... life just got in the way.
Where to start?
Part of the delay was some pain I'm having. It's all along the left side of my abdomen and the LRNP said that it wasn't pain I should be having at this stage, so I had an unexpected visit downtown. Thankfully hubby was able to take off. She (the LRNP) said that it's unlikely the pain is surgery-related, but they ordered a few tests just to see if they can determine what is causing it. I'm waiting on the results of one; the other required a pre-cert and I didn't get the info to schedule until it was too late, so I'll be calling for that appointment on Monday. I do hope they figure this out! Actually, just today (Saturday), hubby and I were out running some errands and wandering the mall - I haven't been able to walk the mall in years. I realized I could go to Chick-fil-A and get grilled nuggets. I got the 8-piece, but could only finish 5. I'll know to get the children's portion next time. Then I had to wait 30 minutes to drink, which about killed me. On top of that, I had my ongoing clothing frustrations (more about that below) and I was having some arthritis pain (you don't spend much time being morbidly obese before your body rebels!). We left to head to our main destination, and one of my absolute favorite stores - The Container Store!!!!! Unfortunately the abdominal pain increased dramatically, almost out of the blue, so hubby knew something was wrong when I wanted to leave there... and not even stop at Target on the way home. So here I sit, protein shake in next to me, typing away.
Now, I had my first experience at a restaurant. I was super anxious. A few days prior I had a hamburger and it didn't sit well. Dinner was planned for hubby's birthday and my parents were taking us to a steak and seafood restaurant. I called the dietitian in a hurry! She pulled up the menu on her computer and we went through the menu over the phone (did I mention how wonderful she is?). I assumed I'd get the scallop appetizer, but the menu didn't make it as straight-forward as it used to be; I also never paid attention before and it is a sauteed dish, therefore cooked in butter - a big no-no. We worked together to figure out a plan and a few days later, we headed down to my folks'.
The day came and I feltsomewhat not-at-all prepared. I have a letter from my surgeon saying that I've had an operation and that I should be permitted to order a lesser amount of food (off the children's menu, if need be) for a proportionate cost. I was armed going into the restaurant. My parents go here often, so they have a favorite server and asked for her. While we were being seated, my father graciously took the server aside and advised her of my situation. She was wonderful and told me to order what I want/need from the menu and the chef would make it work. I did get the scallops, grilled, along with some asparagus. I wasn't able to finish the 4 scallops, so by bariatric "law" (of my program), I didn't have any of the veggie. I love vegetables, so this is killing me! But rules dictate that I eat my 3 oz of protein before I have my ounce of veggie. And I held firm to the rules.
Major Eating/Lifestyle Changes:
I had my first session with my food/eating therapist since surgery. She's a real cheerleader for me and my journey and reminds me all the time how far I've come and how much I'm doing to follow the strict rules. I don't take compliments terribly well, so it's a bit like water-off-a-duck's-back, but she knows that. I had the same experience with my psychiatrist earlier this week. I've always been hard on myself, so it's not something new. The only person on my mental health team who has supported me throughout the entire process is my psychologist. (the food therapist is new). The psychiatrists I've seen in the past (especially the one I saw for the longest time - 9 years, I think) would have just set up another appointment and said they'd see me after surgery. All 3 of these people wanted to know as soon as possible how surgery went. My psychiatrist was really happy - surprised even - that hubby emailed her not long after the surgery was over. She thanked me/him for that and I thanked her for caring enough to ask. I haven't even been seeing her a year and she's done everything to encourage me and support this process. When I talked of the financial hardship of seeing a second therapist, she didn't think twice and told me to see her less often if that would help. She's there by email and phone if I need her.
I had an appt at the neurologist's office and talked with her about decreasing doses on some of the meds they have me on for my migraines, because they can also be used for psych purposes. They are older meds and have a greater chance to cause weight gain - working against what I'm working to do! In conjunction with my psychiatrist, I am cutting one of the biggest offenders in half (to start) and the other I take 1200 mg 3x/day and that is being cut to 900 mg 3x/day. I hope to be off my cholesterol med by the Fall, and even though my psychiatrist added back in one med (I went off it due to a variety of screw-ups) I can just pray that she will take me off the one I currently take once I'm up to a therapeutic dose.
Clothes: I'm finally starting to find myself shrinking out of clothes. I was so frustrated being stuck in the same size clothes as 50 lbs ago! But just within the past 1-2 weeks I've noticed that my shirts are sliding down my shoulders and my bra straps are showing. That hasn't been the case in nearly forever! My old body had a fairly basic pound to size ratio. When I was 310 lbs, I wore a 30/32. I'm under 250 - oh right... did I mention that I'm UNDER 250 ???? I don't remember the last time that was the case, so my mind keeps saying that I should be in a 24/26, but that's not totally the case. It wasn't a science before, but now it's all over the place. I did go this afternoon to a Catherine's outlet store. I don't want to spend a ton of money on clothes, since I just don't know what size to buy and I'll say it again - I definitely do NOT want to spend a lot of money! So, I left empty-handed, but have become friendly with one of the employees, so we chatted for a bit and that was nice. The same has been true for all of my shopping escapades of late. It turns into one big frustrating mess! I'm going to wind up naked before I know it - and nobody wants to see that!
I had a appointment in the town where I grew up, so met some friends for lunch afterwards. In talking with one of my friends she asked where I wanted to go. I haven't lived there in over 20 years, so I'm not entirely sure what the options were. In talking with her, I said that breakfast is easy for me, since I can just order eggs. We decided on a place. When I walked in, all I saw were booths. In the past, this was fear-inducing. Will I fit? Will I be able to breathe? Will my belly wind up hanging onto the table? Will people stare? Last week, though - no problem! Plus, inches to spare! For anyone who's struggled with obesity that's a huge accomplishment (no pun intended). Part of me can't wait to go to our local diner. I haven't been there in many months and I'm eager to just sit down and not have to request a table - that's awfully embarrassing... or even more embarrassing is them asking if a booth is ok. This is one check in the "win" box!
Another great thing about that lunch is that I haven't seen these women in over 2 years. It was wonderful catching up in person and not just via Facebook posts and messages or texts. But, while they know this is the path I'm on now, I haven't posted any recent photographs, so I was almost giddy at their reactions. I know, it still falls under the "water-off-a-duck's-back" concept, but it was still really nice to hear. Like my doctor/surgeon says, I'm with me everyday. It's only those who don't see me for a long stretch who will really notice.
I'd been slacking a bit with exercise, but also found myself unhappy with my weight loss numbers. I'm the only one who can change that, so I sucked up the pain (to a certain level - I still have to listen to my body) and hopped back on that bike. With having a TV in that room, I can stream shows and movies through amazon prime and not have to pay for an additional FiOS box. At this point, I'm doing about 7 miles in between 23-26 minutes. I have yet to put on that bathing suit and jump into the pool for water aerobics. With my mood all over the place I am not finding the energy to get up and at 'em in time. Hence my time on the bike (plus I don't have to leave the house - huge bonus some days).
Jewelry is also an issue for larger or obese women. It's not something I'd considered before it became an issue. Necklaces don't fit properly and if they do, they become chokers when they're not meant to be. I also kept having to get a larger and larger band to wear as a wedding ring. One Christmas, hubby got my original rings sized. I cried because it was the best gift. It made me feel normal again (if that makes sense). Now those rings are getting loose. Because of the heat, they aren't in danger of falling off, but I have to keep a eye on them so I don't lose them once the weather cools. Also, out of curiosity I tried on my college ring and wouldn't you know it fit? Such an amazing feeling. I still weigh (probably) 70 lbs more than I did then, but the fact that I could get it on and not have to cut if off was another win! I won't be wearing it anytime soon, but I moved the infinity ring hubs got me for Christmas to another finger so I could get used to it there and be prepared to wear my college ring again! Woo hoo!
This may sound really odd to someone who hasn't had the experience of losing significant weight, particularly when it's rapid, but skin starts to sag. It's not pretty, but it's all part of the journey. Well, I noticed the other day that my arm flab was less taut than it used to be. Yes, that's right, I'm having skin sag! It's hard to explain it, but it's a good feeling. I'm trying not to think about skin surgery so early in my journey, but it's something I may consider down the road, depending on the condition of my body when all's said and done. Insurance doesn't typically pay for it because they see it as cosmetic so it would create a rather sizable financial burden. At the same time, having this skin issue could create other problems, medical problems. One thing at a time, though. It was just exciting that there was some evidence I was able to see!
Now, this last one is still a source of anxiety for me. In a couple of months, we are going on vacation. The dietitian said to cross that hurdle when I come to it, but it's still a big uncertainty. Food is usually a big part of vacation. You get to eat out and have some foods you would otherwise avoid (have you heard of funnel fries -- YUM!). But this year will be vastly different. I don't want the Mr. to miss out on the yummy things they have there. I also treat myself to a drink or two while we're on vacation and that's a big no-no. I'll work around it and the dietitian will coach me before we go so I have ideas for restaurants. I have the protein bars, some of which are actually delicious. I can take stuff down to make protein shakes. I just don't want to be limited to chicken for all of my restaurant meals. I do know of one place with amazing scallops; they just can't be sauteed because of the butter. But I'm sure they will grill or broil, just like the steakhouse for hubby's birthday.
I know this has been a crazy-long post and thank you if you made it all the way through. Please forgive any disjointedness or typos but I've been writing like crazy to not delay this any longer and to make sure I didn't forget anything. I know there have been people who have expressed interest in this blog and how they have found support through it or are considering the surgery and want to read more. I can't tell you how much that means to you. Part of the reason I decided to make this blog public was to help even one person. Please, please, please, ask questions! You can bet I'll be honest. Heck, at this point it's all on the table anyway. Also, don't hesitate to join the site; you'll get an alert when I post in the event that I forget to put in on FB. You can find it in a blue box on the right side, below all of my profile info and right about "followers."
Well, hopefully things will get less eventful, although every day finds something new - a new food my tastebuds like and my body agrees with (or the opposite), or what exercise has been working and what may be causing some unnecessary pain. I'll also try to check in more often so you don't feel like you've just finished reading a bad novel by the time you reach the end.
Where to start?
Part of the delay was some pain I'm having. It's all along the left side of my abdomen and the LRNP said that it wasn't pain I should be having at this stage, so I had an unexpected visit downtown. Thankfully hubby was able to take off. She (the LRNP) said that it's unlikely the pain is surgery-related, but they ordered a few tests just to see if they can determine what is causing it. I'm waiting on the results of one; the other required a pre-cert and I didn't get the info to schedule until it was too late, so I'll be calling for that appointment on Monday. I do hope they figure this out! Actually, just today (Saturday), hubby and I were out running some errands and wandering the mall - I haven't been able to walk the mall in years. I realized I could go to Chick-fil-A and get grilled nuggets. I got the 8-piece, but could only finish 5. I'll know to get the children's portion next time. Then I had to wait 30 minutes to drink, which about killed me. On top of that, I had my ongoing clothing frustrations (more about that below) and I was having some arthritis pain (you don't spend much time being morbidly obese before your body rebels!). We left to head to our main destination, and one of my absolute favorite stores - The Container Store!!!!! Unfortunately the abdominal pain increased dramatically, almost out of the blue, so hubby knew something was wrong when I wanted to leave there... and not even stop at Target on the way home. So here I sit, protein shake in next to me, typing away.
Now, I had my first experience at a restaurant. I was super anxious. A few days prior I had a hamburger and it didn't sit well. Dinner was planned for hubby's birthday and my parents were taking us to a steak and seafood restaurant. I called the dietitian in a hurry! She pulled up the menu on her computer and we went through the menu over the phone (did I mention how wonderful she is?). I assumed I'd get the scallop appetizer, but the menu didn't make it as straight-forward as it used to be; I also never paid attention before and it is a sauteed dish, therefore cooked in butter - a big no-no. We worked together to figure out a plan and a few days later, we headed down to my folks'.
The day came and I felt
Major Eating/Lifestyle Changes:
- stop drinking 15 minutes before eating
- take at a minimum, 30 minutes to eat (preferably more with the amount of nausea I've had); because of this, I've gotten used to finishing my meals cold.
- eat 4 oz meals, getting 60-80 oz of protein in daily (historically, people in my specific program have had a higher rate of success with having a protein shake/bar for one meal per day). It may not be logical, but different doctors/programs have different rules - both pre-op and post-op. It's not like removing a gall bladder or fixing a torn ligament.
- as I mentioned before, I am now permitted 1 oz of veggies and 3 oz of protein, but the protein must, must, must come first. Greek yogurt is an excellent source of protein so a number of the bariatric recipes I have include that as an ingredient, or I'll just have a cup of cherry (or whatever) and it has 12(!!!) grams of protein.
- meals should be between 3-4 hours apart
- do not drink until 30 minutes after eating (this one has been the most difficult, I think... we're all so used to drinking throughout our meals, so to not pick up my glass until 30 minutes after I'm through is an enormous change -- try it... it's HARD!)
- it is absolutely necessary to get in 64 oz - at the very least 50 oz - of water/Crystal Light (something with no caffeine, no sugar and non-carbonated) daily; dehydration is the number one reason for people to be re-admitted following surgery
I had my first session with my food/eating therapist since surgery. She's a real cheerleader for me and my journey and reminds me all the time how far I've come and how much I'm doing to follow the strict rules. I don't take compliments terribly well, so it's a bit like water-off-a-duck's-back, but she knows that. I had the same experience with my psychiatrist earlier this week. I've always been hard on myself, so it's not something new. The only person on my mental health team who has supported me throughout the entire process is my psychologist. (the food therapist is new). The psychiatrists I've seen in the past (especially the one I saw for the longest time - 9 years, I think) would have just set up another appointment and said they'd see me after surgery. All 3 of these people wanted to know as soon as possible how surgery went. My psychiatrist was really happy - surprised even - that hubby emailed her not long after the surgery was over. She thanked me/him for that and I thanked her for caring enough to ask. I haven't even been seeing her a year and she's done everything to encourage me and support this process. When I talked of the financial hardship of seeing a second therapist, she didn't think twice and told me to see her less often if that would help. She's there by email and phone if I need her.
I had an appt at the neurologist's office and talked with her about decreasing doses on some of the meds they have me on for my migraines, because they can also be used for psych purposes. They are older meds and have a greater chance to cause weight gain - working against what I'm working to do! In conjunction with my psychiatrist, I am cutting one of the biggest offenders in half (to start) and the other I take 1200 mg 3x/day and that is being cut to 900 mg 3x/day. I hope to be off my cholesterol med by the Fall, and even though my psychiatrist added back in one med (I went off it due to a variety of screw-ups) I can just pray that she will take me off the one I currently take once I'm up to a therapeutic dose.
Clothes: I'm finally starting to find myself shrinking out of clothes. I was so frustrated being stuck in the same size clothes as 50 lbs ago! But just within the past 1-2 weeks I've noticed that my shirts are sliding down my shoulders and my bra straps are showing. That hasn't been the case in nearly forever! My old body had a fairly basic pound to size ratio. When I was 310 lbs, I wore a 30/32. I'm under 250 - oh right... did I mention that I'm UNDER 250 ???? I don't remember the last time that was the case, so my mind keeps saying that I should be in a 24/26, but that's not totally the case. It wasn't a science before, but now it's all over the place. I did go this afternoon to a Catherine's outlet store. I don't want to spend a ton of money on clothes, since I just don't know what size to buy and I'll say it again - I definitely do NOT want to spend a lot of money! So, I left empty-handed, but have become friendly with one of the employees, so we chatted for a bit and that was nice. The same has been true for all of my shopping escapades of late. It turns into one big frustrating mess! I'm going to wind up naked before I know it - and nobody wants to see that!
I had a appointment in the town where I grew up, so met some friends for lunch afterwards. In talking with one of my friends she asked where I wanted to go. I haven't lived there in over 20 years, so I'm not entirely sure what the options were. In talking with her, I said that breakfast is easy for me, since I can just order eggs. We decided on a place. When I walked in, all I saw were booths. In the past, this was fear-inducing. Will I fit? Will I be able to breathe? Will my belly wind up hanging onto the table? Will people stare? Last week, though - no problem! Plus, inches to spare! For anyone who's struggled with obesity that's a huge accomplishment (no pun intended). Part of me can't wait to go to our local diner. I haven't been there in many months and I'm eager to just sit down and not have to request a table - that's awfully embarrassing... or even more embarrassing is them asking if a booth is ok. This is one check in the "win" box!
Another great thing about that lunch is that I haven't seen these women in over 2 years. It was wonderful catching up in person and not just via Facebook posts and messages or texts. But, while they know this is the path I'm on now, I haven't posted any recent photographs, so I was almost giddy at their reactions. I know, it still falls under the "water-off-a-duck's-back" concept, but it was still really nice to hear. Like my doctor/surgeon says, I'm with me everyday. It's only those who don't see me for a long stretch who will really notice.
I'd been slacking a bit with exercise, but also found myself unhappy with my weight loss numbers. I'm the only one who can change that, so I sucked up the pain (to a certain level - I still have to listen to my body) and hopped back on that bike. With having a TV in that room, I can stream shows and movies through amazon prime and not have to pay for an additional FiOS box. At this point, I'm doing about 7 miles in between 23-26 minutes. I have yet to put on that bathing suit and jump into the pool for water aerobics. With my mood all over the place I am not finding the energy to get up and at 'em in time. Hence my time on the bike (plus I don't have to leave the house - huge bonus some days).
Jewelry is also an issue for larger or obese women. It's not something I'd considered before it became an issue. Necklaces don't fit properly and if they do, they become chokers when they're not meant to be. I also kept having to get a larger and larger band to wear as a wedding ring. One Christmas, hubby got my original rings sized. I cried because it was the best gift. It made me feel normal again (if that makes sense). Now those rings are getting loose. Because of the heat, they aren't in danger of falling off, but I have to keep a eye on them so I don't lose them once the weather cools. Also, out of curiosity I tried on my college ring and wouldn't you know it fit? Such an amazing feeling. I still weigh (probably) 70 lbs more than I did then, but the fact that I could get it on and not have to cut if off was another win! I won't be wearing it anytime soon, but I moved the infinity ring hubs got me for Christmas to another finger so I could get used to it there and be prepared to wear my college ring again! Woo hoo!
This may sound really odd to someone who hasn't had the experience of losing significant weight, particularly when it's rapid, but skin starts to sag. It's not pretty, but it's all part of the journey. Well, I noticed the other day that my arm flab was less taut than it used to be. Yes, that's right, I'm having skin sag! It's hard to explain it, but it's a good feeling. I'm trying not to think about skin surgery so early in my journey, but it's something I may consider down the road, depending on the condition of my body when all's said and done. Insurance doesn't typically pay for it because they see it as cosmetic so it would create a rather sizable financial burden. At the same time, having this skin issue could create other problems, medical problems. One thing at a time, though. It was just exciting that there was some evidence I was able to see!
Now, this last one is still a source of anxiety for me. In a couple of months, we are going on vacation. The dietitian said to cross that hurdle when I come to it, but it's still a big uncertainty. Food is usually a big part of vacation. You get to eat out and have some foods you would otherwise avoid (have you heard of funnel fries -- YUM!). But this year will be vastly different. I don't want the Mr. to miss out on the yummy things they have there. I also treat myself to a drink or two while we're on vacation and that's a big no-no. I'll work around it and the dietitian will coach me before we go so I have ideas for restaurants. I have the protein bars, some of which are actually delicious. I can take stuff down to make protein shakes. I just don't want to be limited to chicken for all of my restaurant meals. I do know of one place with amazing scallops; they just can't be sauteed because of the butter. But I'm sure they will grill or broil, just like the steakhouse for hubby's birthday.
I know this has been a crazy-long post and thank you if you made it all the way through. Please forgive any disjointedness or typos but I've been writing like crazy to not delay this any longer and to make sure I didn't forget anything. I know there have been people who have expressed interest in this blog and how they have found support through it or are considering the surgery and want to read more. I can't tell you how much that means to you. Part of the reason I decided to make this blog public was to help even one person. Please, please, please, ask questions! You can bet I'll be honest. Heck, at this point it's all on the table anyway. Also, don't hesitate to join the site; you'll get an alert when I post in the event that I forget to put in on FB. You can find it in a blue box on the right side, below all of my profile info and right about "followers."
Well, hopefully things will get less eventful, although every day finds something new - a new food my tastebuds like and my body agrees with (or the opposite), or what exercise has been working and what may be causing some unnecessary pain. I'll also try to check in more often so you don't feel like you've just finished reading a bad novel by the time you reach the end.
Saturday, February 6, 2016
Bariatric Update
Hey all! I figured it was time for an update, so here it is :)
My psychologist has written a letter of support and approval for me to have the surgery. When I met with the cardiologist he wanted to wait until I had a few tests before giving his ok. I had a nuclear stress test two weeks ago and an echo last week. I see him on the 15th and expect full go-ahead.
I've been testing some protein drinks/shakes and went through what the dietitian sent with a highlighter and pen. I have studied my little heart out. I'm also setting up a consult with a therapist simply for eating and food issues. I've seen her before when my psychologist was gone and she was his student.
The next step is to have an endoscopy. The nurse said that they typically wait until later in the process before scheduling this, when I called and asked it to schedule since it will require some coordination (using my GI doc with the surgeon in the room). She called and said that the surgeon will be in touch with the GI doc in the next couple of weeks.
The nurse called to tell me that she received the information I sent with my C-Pap report and most recent blood work. She expressed some concern over my triglycerides and is sending me a script for new labs (which they run anyway). My sugar levels are elevated and there is a slight debate over if I should have a diabetes diagnosis or if I can be considered pre-diabetic assuming that my levels will decrease post-op.
After the endoscopy, I was told that the surgery is scheduled about 6 weeks out. In the meantime, I'm having a protein shake for breakfast and working to keep my sweets and carbs in check. The latter is HARD! I was so cranky yesterday because I fought the urge to have some Skinny Cow chocolates. I have to at least start to make big changes and not wait until after the operation. I will be on a liquid diet for both the 2 weeks pre- and post-op, then 2 weeks of pureed food (I refuse to eat pureed chicken!).
My husband and I have joined a gym, at which I will use the pool - possibly taking an aquatics class. My membership is on hold for now until I know when surgery is. I'm sure I'll be limited after surgery and will likely not be in the pool for some time. I did speak with the location nearest to me and she said that I can always activate my membership now and then freeze it again when I have surgery. I loathe the thought of squeezing myself into a bathing suit, but the exercise may help me lose some weight and get into a routine. For now, we'll see.....
I am both excited and terrified, but I have to do it. I'll try to post more often, or at least as I have updates.
My psychologist has written a letter of support and approval for me to have the surgery. When I met with the cardiologist he wanted to wait until I had a few tests before giving his ok. I had a nuclear stress test two weeks ago and an echo last week. I see him on the 15th and expect full go-ahead.
I've been testing some protein drinks/shakes and went through what the dietitian sent with a highlighter and pen. I have studied my little heart out. I'm also setting up a consult with a therapist simply for eating and food issues. I've seen her before when my psychologist was gone and she was his student.
The next step is to have an endoscopy. The nurse said that they typically wait until later in the process before scheduling this, when I called and asked it to schedule since it will require some coordination (using my GI doc with the surgeon in the room). She called and said that the surgeon will be in touch with the GI doc in the next couple of weeks.
The nurse called to tell me that she received the information I sent with my C-Pap report and most recent blood work. She expressed some concern over my triglycerides and is sending me a script for new labs (which they run anyway). My sugar levels are elevated and there is a slight debate over if I should have a diabetes diagnosis or if I can be considered pre-diabetic assuming that my levels will decrease post-op.
After the endoscopy, I was told that the surgery is scheduled about 6 weeks out. In the meantime, I'm having a protein shake for breakfast and working to keep my sweets and carbs in check. The latter is HARD! I was so cranky yesterday because I fought the urge to have some Skinny Cow chocolates. I have to at least start to make big changes and not wait until after the operation. I will be on a liquid diet for both the 2 weeks pre- and post-op, then 2 weeks of pureed food (I refuse to eat pureed chicken!).
My husband and I have joined a gym, at which I will use the pool - possibly taking an aquatics class. My membership is on hold for now until I know when surgery is. I'm sure I'll be limited after surgery and will likely not be in the pool for some time. I did speak with the location nearest to me and she said that I can always activate my membership now and then freeze it again when I have surgery. I loathe the thought of squeezing myself into a bathing suit, but the exercise may help me lose some weight and get into a routine. For now, we'll see.....
I am both excited and terrified, but I have to do it. I'll try to post more often, or at least as I have updates.
Friday, January 1, 2016
Title-less
It's January 1st and here I sit at my computer. I have no "resolutions." I don't care. Maybe because it's the fact that I'm stuck in an incredibly deep depression and my marriage is a mess. Maybe it's because I'm super cynical find resolutions to be ridiculous. I mean whatever we say today is usually broken by the end of the week or the month. Very few of us actually do those things we resolve to do. Whatever it is, I don't make them.
Ok, I got that out of the way. I want to share that I've seen a bariatric surgeon. He believes I'm a good candidate for a gastric sleeve. Here is some information about the sleeve, but the site also includes oodles of information about bariatric surgery, including an hour-long webinar which offers a lot of information. It's basically a doctor talking while you stare at Power Point slides. It's not the most interesting of things, but it gets the job done, plus I had to watch it before my appointment. It's not anything that's inserted, nor do they re-route any part of your digestive system. They simply staple off part of your stomach. This both makes your stomach smaller, but releases your body from experiencing the hormone that makes us feel hungry.
The doctor was wonderful. He spent nearly an hour with me! I recorded it so that I can refer back to it. The city where the doctor will perform the surgery is in the city. I saw him at a local office (30 mins, which is local for this area) and during the course of the appointment, told him that I don't drive in the city and he is totally willing to work with me. There are a number of tests and evaluations necessary for the surgery to be performed. One is a sleep study - already had one done and I use the C-Pap; one is a psych eval - since I've seen my psychologist for nearly 16 years, he will take a statement from him (who is the one who brought it up in the first place). They also need an endoscopy. I had one several months ago, but despite me telling them that I vomit with Propofol (they said it is the med of choice for those who do experience nausea and/or vomiting after a procedure), they gave it to me and the doctor couldn't finish the procedure because - guess what (?) - I vomited in the middle of it. The bariatric doc wants to be in the room so he can watch the screen and know what to expect if there are anything which would interfere with the surgery, since my upper GI tract is involved. Additionally I need a cardiac eval and he is comfortable with me seeing one locally. I saw one many years ago and know that he's in the same practice as my husbands doc, but may wind up seeing whoever has an appointment available. There is also a consult with a nurse practitioner and a nutritionist/dietitian, but he said those can be done over the phone. I love this guy! It doesn't hurt that he is the husband of one of the docs in the practice where my Mom (an RN) works. It makes trusting him easier.
When we talked about the psych eval and my doc, he said that I understand the procedure and have done my research (I have a very full binder with tons of info, using page protectors, of course!). He also said that I was asking all the right questions, so he feels comfortable with my psychologist covering that end of things. Oh, and I have my entire medical history and a bunch of other things typed up since I'll never remember it all - it's too long and complicated, plus I'm on so many meds there's no way I'd know them all, especially if they want dosage and times! He can see that I am "together" mentally, especially after seeing my OCD paperwork.
I asked how long it usually takes from the initial appointment. I expected him to say 6+ months, especially after all of the testing. Granted some of my testing is already "taken care of" but his answer was 6-8 WEEKS! Ahhhhhhh! That's soon. While I'm excited, I'm also terrified. This is an enormous lifestyle change and I guess it feels like that's a fast time to prepare mentally. On the other hand, the sooner the better, right?
In other news, I became a consultant for Thirty-One. My timing is pretty terrible as I'm dealing with the surgical stuff, but hopefully I can get something out of it, even if it's just a good group of Christian women supporting each other... and hopefully there are some close to me.
Well, "life" calls, so I have to say good-bye for now. I'll try to write again sooner next time - I know I say that every time, but if I'm going to be down for a couple of weeks I expect to be online more. So, happy new year! I wish you all the best.
Ok, I got that out of the way. I want to share that I've seen a bariatric surgeon. He believes I'm a good candidate for a gastric sleeve. Here is some information about the sleeve, but the site also includes oodles of information about bariatric surgery, including an hour-long webinar which offers a lot of information. It's basically a doctor talking while you stare at Power Point slides. It's not the most interesting of things, but it gets the job done, plus I had to watch it before my appointment. It's not anything that's inserted, nor do they re-route any part of your digestive system. They simply staple off part of your stomach. This both makes your stomach smaller, but releases your body from experiencing the hormone that makes us feel hungry.
The doctor was wonderful. He spent nearly an hour with me! I recorded it so that I can refer back to it. The city where the doctor will perform the surgery is in the city. I saw him at a local office (30 mins, which is local for this area) and during the course of the appointment, told him that I don't drive in the city and he is totally willing to work with me. There are a number of tests and evaluations necessary for the surgery to be performed. One is a sleep study - already had one done and I use the C-Pap; one is a psych eval - since I've seen my psychologist for nearly 16 years, he will take a statement from him (who is the one who brought it up in the first place). They also need an endoscopy. I had one several months ago, but despite me telling them that I vomit with Propofol (they said it is the med of choice for those who do experience nausea and/or vomiting after a procedure), they gave it to me and the doctor couldn't finish the procedure because - guess what (?) - I vomited in the middle of it. The bariatric doc wants to be in the room so he can watch the screen and know what to expect if there are anything which would interfere with the surgery, since my upper GI tract is involved. Additionally I need a cardiac eval and he is comfortable with me seeing one locally. I saw one many years ago and know that he's in the same practice as my husbands doc, but may wind up seeing whoever has an appointment available. There is also a consult with a nurse practitioner and a nutritionist/dietitian, but he said those can be done over the phone. I love this guy! It doesn't hurt that he is the husband of one of the docs in the practice where my Mom (an RN) works. It makes trusting him easier.
When we talked about the psych eval and my doc, he said that I understand the procedure and have done my research (I have a very full binder with tons of info, using page protectors, of course!). He also said that I was asking all the right questions, so he feels comfortable with my psychologist covering that end of things. Oh, and I have my entire medical history and a bunch of other things typed up since I'll never remember it all - it's too long and complicated, plus I'm on so many meds there's no way I'd know them all, especially if they want dosage and times! He can see that I am "together" mentally, especially after seeing my OCD paperwork.
I asked how long it usually takes from the initial appointment. I expected him to say 6+ months, especially after all of the testing. Granted some of my testing is already "taken care of" but his answer was 6-8 WEEKS! Ahhhhhhh! That's soon. While I'm excited, I'm also terrified. This is an enormous lifestyle change and I guess it feels like that's a fast time to prepare mentally. On the other hand, the sooner the better, right?
In other news, I became a consultant for Thirty-One. My timing is pretty terrible as I'm dealing with the surgical stuff, but hopefully I can get something out of it, even if it's just a good group of Christian women supporting each other... and hopefully there are some close to me.
Well, "life" calls, so I have to say good-bye for now. I'll try to write again sooner next time - I know I say that every time, but if I'm going to be down for a couple of weeks I expect to be online more. So, happy new year! I wish you all the best.
Monday, July 6, 2015
Please...I Need Some Advice
I'll keep this short and sweet. If you are a person who is overweight, who is an emotional eater, who is bulimic, who is anorexic, who eats beyond to the point of being full, who thinks about food more than just at mealtimes (see other questions below).... what are your thoughts and feelings about OA (Overeaters Anonymous)? Have you gone to any meetings or know someone who has? Was it a good experience?
I have taken the following from their website:
I am giving serious consideration to this (with "encouragement" of my therapist) He has gone to the extent of researching which meetings are good and which are flops (like the one and only one I've ever been to) and finding me a contact he knows. There is a Saturday morning meeting about 35-45 minutes away, but UGH! However, I get up with the dogs at 7:00 am anyway, so I'm not really missing out on any sleep - except for the occasional nap after I feed them.
I am totally an emotional eater - good or bad - celebration or mourning/depressed/drowning my sorrows/etc. That is something I need to address. I'm terrified and simply want to know anyone else's feelings, thoughts, etc.
Their general webiste is oa.org; the above link came from here. The site is jam-packed with information and is worth just browsing if you feel like you fit into any of these categories, or know of anyone who may - just don't push it on them. They/I have to be willing to go independent of being told to do so. Oh, I guess I should be clear here: my therapist isn't forcing me to go, but really is encouraging and helping get past the anxiety.
Any advice???
(PS: sorry for any typos or weird sentences, if I've gone to change something and didn't fully remove what I thought was a better way to say something; my wrist still hasn't totally recovered so typing is pretty painful. I'm also exhausted - 11:30 pm and the depression gives me no energy to review it. Thanks for your understanding!)
I have taken the following from their website:
Is OA For You?
Are You a Compulsive Overeater?
Now that you have found Overeaters Anonymous, you may want to make sure our program is right for you. Many of us have found it useful to answer the following questions to help determine if we have a problem with compulsive eating.
- Do I eat when I’m not hungry, or not eat when my body needs nourishment?
- Do I go on eating binges for no apparent reason, sometimes eating until I’m stuffed or even feel sick?
- Do I have feelings of guilt, shame, or embarrassment about my weight or the way I eat?
- Do I eat sensibly in front of others and then make up for it when I am alone?
- Is my eating affecting my health or the way I live my life?
- When my emotions are intense—whether positive or negative—do I find myself reaching for food?
- Do my eating behaviors make me or others unhappy?
- Have I ever used laxatives, vomiting, diuretics, excessive exercise, diet pills, shots or other medical interventions (including surgery) to try to control my weight?
- Do I fast or severely restrict my food intake to control my weight?
- Do I fantasize about how much better life would be if I were a different size or weight?
- Do I need to chew or have something in my mouth all the time: food, gum, mints, candies or beverages?
- Have I ever eaten food that is burned, frozen or spoiled; from containers in the grocery store; or out of the garbage?
- Are there certain foods I can’t stop eating after having the first bite?
- Have I lost weight with a diet or “period of control” only to be followed by bouts of uncontrolled eating and/or weight gain?
- Do I spend too much time thinking about food, arguing with myself about whether or what to eat, planning the next diet or exercise cure, or counting calories?
Have you answered “yes” to several of these questions? If so, it is possible that you have, or are well on your way to having, a compulsive eating or overeating problem.
I am giving serious consideration to this (with "encouragement" of my therapist) He has gone to the extent of researching which meetings are good and which are flops (like the one and only one I've ever been to) and finding me a contact he knows. There is a Saturday morning meeting about 35-45 minutes away, but UGH! However, I get up with the dogs at 7:00 am anyway, so I'm not really missing out on any sleep - except for the occasional nap after I feed them.
I am totally an emotional eater - good or bad - celebration or mourning/depressed/drowning my sorrows/etc. That is something I need to address. I'm terrified and simply want to know anyone else's feelings, thoughts, etc.
Their general webiste is oa.org; the above link came from here. The site is jam-packed with information and is worth just browsing if you feel like you fit into any of these categories, or know of anyone who may - just don't push it on them. They/I have to be willing to go independent of being told to do so. Oh, I guess I should be clear here: my therapist isn't forcing me to go, but really is encouraging and helping get past the anxiety.
Any advice???
(PS: sorry for any typos or weird sentences, if I've gone to change something and didn't fully remove what I thought was a better way to say something; my wrist still hasn't totally recovered so typing is pretty painful. I'm also exhausted - 11:30 pm and the depression gives me no energy to review it. Thanks for your understanding!)
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