How Has a Month Passed?

Wowzers!  It's been more than a month since I've written.

Let's see....  I guess the biggest thing has been vacation to Ocean City, MD.  I won't sugar-coat it - it was HARD!  I took my Magic Bullet and protein powder with me, as well as protein bars.  I was clear with servers when I ordered that I was on a very strict diet and proceeded with my ordering (cooked "this" way and with "this" and without "that") and had very good experiences each time.  We were down the shore so the smells on the boardwalk were beyond temping.  I mean, funnel cake/fries, deep fried Oreos, caramel corn, salt water taffy, fudge... need I go on?  There are also some restaurants with amazing food and I was too limited to enjoy it.  Next year, that will be different, but I am just over 17 weeks out, so it's still early in the grand scheme of things.  Hubby was a trooper and didn't get any of the boardwalk junk food.  There was free breakfast at the hotel, but the only thing I could have was eggs and they didn't even have Egg Beaters; it wouldn't have been ideal to have a heart attack before we arrived back home.  I had taken stuff for protein shakes and I brought plenty of protein bars, so I made it work.  We went down to Assateague several times and had some mind-blowing wild pony "interactions" (there are warnings everywhere with reminders that these animals are wild and may bite, charge, etc).  Here are some of my favorite pictures - ponies and others:

The view from our room - pretty spectacular!

Our first day at Assateague.  Yes, the ponies were *that close*

More spectacular ponies on our first trip to Assateague.

Sunset on the bay.

Our final day at Assateague.

I saw both my surgeon and my PCP since I last wrote.  While numbers differ from scale to scale, I stick to those on my scale for the sake of consistency.  I am down over 100 lbs from my highest weight and 81 lbs from my first appointment with the surgeon.  As far as weight lost since surgery?  Well, that's at 42 lbs in 17 weeks!  I've had to get a lot of new clothes and it's amazing what a new bra will do ;)  While on vacation, I picked up a bunch of shirts from the clearance racks.  I've had a problem with jeans for the past several years.  While I'm 5'5" (or 5'6" depending on who you ask), even the petites are too long.  Well, there is a Christopher & Banks at the outlets.  I talked with one of the saleswomen and she pulled a bunch of styles and sizes (I was between sizes and really wanted to get an idea of length), I found ones that are a great length - if I wore shoes with some height.  I found a pair to wear for vacation and bought the next 3 sizes down at C&B!  Maybe stretching it a bit, but they were $19.99 and I couldn't pass it up!

I have had some issues with my back and hips for some times.  It's one of the many downfalls of obesity.  It was time for hubs and me to get a new bed.  Our old one was 18 years old -- an adult HAHA  We wound up with a Tempur-Pedic and it was delivered yesterday.  The head and foot raise independently and it's pretty cool.  Different is hard and different takes some getting used to.  The verdict is out, but if our "test ride" at the store is any indication, this is going to be one great bed!  We got the split one, so hubby and I can independently determine our own perfect settings.  It'll be great once we get it just right!

We celebrated my Mom's birthday the end of July and my Uncle's wife took this picture.
Not bad, huh?  Thanks, Lynn!

We had a second photo shoot done.

The first picture is from our original shoot; the middle is from a picture taken last September; the final is our most recent shoot, just over 225 pounds (thanks to Jeff Reeder Photography for doing some great shoots!).  You have to admit that Poly (on the right) is one curious, yet incredibly silly, pup!

I was going to water aerobics at the gym, but it's hard and I have to get up super early to get in a full meal or sleep a bit later and eat less protein and then come home and figure out what to do with the dogs while I shower.  I feel so guilty if Poly is in the kennel.  I'm not done with water aerobics, just taking a break for now.  I have a bike at home (as I've mentioned before) and with the TV, I've been able to do about 45 minutes and around 13 miles.

Another thing since surgery: I got a MedicAlert bracelet.  Anyone who has had bariatric surgery shouldn't have blind intubations done.  That, along with some other conditions seemed important for any emergency medical personnel to know.  Well, I have a dear friend who makes beautiful jewelry.  I was going to try to do it myself, since I have done some very elementary bracelet making.  I decided to contact Dezetta, of Dezetta's Dezigns, to put it all together.  When I ordered the bracelet, I had to make sure that it had clasps at either end so it could be switched out.  The least expensive one which fit that qualification had a very ugly, but I knew I would have some beautiful options.

See for yourself!  It's not the greatest picture, but gives you an idea.  The blue goes with just about everything, then there's a teal one and a coral colored one (which I'm wearing).  She took the black shiny beads and made something extra fancy for those big dates.
I LOVE them!

I've been able to stand more and walk further.  I've done some cooking and hubby has been more open than I expected to trying some of my bariatric recipes.  I've taken the dogs for a walk... yesterday was 1.3 miles - I had to get Casey out of the house while the bed was being delivered.  He was very happy, but very tired.... as was I!

I think that covers the basics for now.  Plugging along.....

Something Light-Hearted

First let me thank you for the outpouring of support.  I love reading any comments and knowing that there are people praying for me and that I am successful in my journey.  Most days I think you have more confidence in me than I do in myself.  For that, please know that I am so appreciative.

Now for the light-hearted part.  All of my writings have been sooooo serious lately.  I decided it was time for something amusing (at least to Keith and me).

This is Casey (you've already "met" him):

And in case you've forgotten or are new to the blog - and because I like to brag on my furbabies, here are some more, although this one is about Casey specifically:

 Silly Casey








<------ One of my favorite pictures of the big guy.






Sorry the pix are so disjointed.  Blogspot won't let me move them around much to be all even and equal..  Oh well.  C'est la vie.

Anyway, Keith and I decided to do a DNA test for Casey.  Yes, it sounds ridiculous, but everyone who sees him sees something different.  The rescue told us that he was a shepherd mix.  We got the results over the weekend.  If you're not friends with me on Facebook, take a stab at what breed you think he is.  While you're at it, feel free to use the "join this site" opportunity above.  I make no promises that this will always make it to Facebook - I am a bit distracted, if you know what I mean...

THANK YOU again!

Make it STOP!

Medical update: some of my medical stuff has been moved around and moved to later dates.  This is a good thing!  I did see the physiatrist today and she ordered some x-rays (which I did downstairs from their office) and an MRI as well as wanting me be back in aquatic therapy.  Ugh!

In other news, you can check out my other blog: taleoftwodogs.blogspot.com where I picked up a feeder for one of our pups.  She tends to inhale her food... literally.  But today, all of that changed.  We got her this thing which makes her "fight" for her food (not the right word).  There is a video on the blog and you'll see what I mean.

In other news, I've been falling asleep in front of the TV.  Sitting up and falling asleep.  I had attributed it to one of my meds, but now that I'm off that med and it's still happening I have to come up with a new theory.  That will take some work.  Haha

Good news is that I am up to chapter 14 in Genesis.  Most days I do it when hubby isn't home.  On these days, the dogs get to hear a Bible reading.  I wonder if any of it is sinking in.  In any event, one chapter at a time - at least while the chapters are of reasonable length, in which case I read part of a chapter at a time.  It'll all sink in, however fast I read it.

That sort of covers it here.  I still have tons and tons of medical stuff keeping me busy.  Am I the only one living an insane life (especially with no kids and no job)?

Wintertime has Been Evil

Ok, so maybe "evil" isn't the right word, but winter sure has gotten to me.  Granted I'd given up walking the dogs back in Autumn (I think) but I also don't have any motivation to do it in this mess, either.  I don't have any energy to ride my exercise bike.  But... I am in PT for a number of things (the physical therapist saw the script and said "what happened?"  I saw him back in 2013 for my pre-op attempt at avoidance.  There are so many things on there he just didn't know where to start.

Eating.  UGH!  I haven't stuck to Weight Watchers at all.  I have added a few meals here and there - the same meals I was eating on the plan.  I just didn't track all the junk I've been putting in my body.  Last time I saw my PCP I refused the scale.  She thinks I'm still down 30 pounds.  I didn't realize until I left and saw the paper she'd written on, but I didn't make any attempt to fix it.

I'm embarrassed.  People stare and I want to say "I'm a middle-aged woman, so have the metabolism of a turtle, and am on enough meds to kill a horse.... oh, and by the way, nearly all of them have weight gain as a side effect; did I mention that I'm bipolar and severe depression makes me almost have negative motivation."  Now, you, "skinny person" stop staring and understand that things are not as cut and dry as you think they are.  So, go have a burger!

Tonight is an excellent example of our food intake of late: hubby is picking up hoagies and chips and we will have some drinks - granted it's usually one form or another of Coke Zero and when I'm not drinking water, it's either one of the Coke Zeros or diet, decaf iced tea.  One of my new meds has me on Lithium which causes me to have a metal taste in my mouth all the time, so drinking waster isn't as easy as it used to be.  I go as long into the day as I can with water, but at some point, I have to switch to something with taste.  Plus, wow, some of those un-coated meds are nasty!

I need fruit!  I think fruit will help get me back on track - and not the canned stuff, because while I'm eating Libby's no sugar added mandarin oranges in the can, I could really go for an apple that doesn't cost $1600 a pound!  Ok, we do have bananas, but I'm a brat and they have to be green or have at least some green on them.  I'm not a fan of banana mush or banana baby food.

That is that.  Wintertime isn't my friend this year.

Frustrated

The title just about sums it up.

Now, where to start?

I am a born-again Christian.  I'm sure some people will stop reading immediately and unsubscribe.  And you know what?  I'm good with that.  I mean, I don't want anyone to go.  I'm starting with small enough numbers as it is.  But it's true.  I am a sinner and I am sure that God has forgiven me through the life and death/sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ.  I tell you that because I want to lay that on the table and give you a filter through which you can use for future posts and comments.

So, my church of nearly 14 years has dissolved.  It was a church plant, meaning that a larger church saw a need in this neck of the woods.  My understanding is that specifically for my church, there were a lot of people at the larger church who lived in my area and a church plant would offer them a place to worship nearer their homes.

Now that I've gone on and on about that...

The closing of my church leaves me looking for a new church family.  That is the source of some frustration and certainly a lot of stress!  There is a church we've been attending for several months now.  We like love the preaching.  The pastor, his wife, and their 4 kids are amazing.  I guess a big hindrance for us is the music.  MrB's main ministry involvement is in music.  He really enjoys playing on the worship team and did so most every week at our last church.  We've spoken with the pastor of the "new" church and he would really like to update the music.  It seems the big snag is how some of the older members of the church might react to more contemporary music.  The pastor will be speaking with others on the elder board to see if it would be possible to add some "beat" into the songs.

I'm absolutely bogged down with medical stuff.  One doctor refers me to another doctor who orders tests, or at least another doctor to discuss if a test is necessary.  It's crazy.  I've been prioritizing the urgency of each appt or test.  The pile of papers I have from doctors is insane.  I'm trying to keep organized, but it's hard.  First and foremost I have to try to keep current the diagnoses and medication for existing conditions.  That already means a ton of appts and labs.  Some of the docs to whom I've been referred consider me a new patient, either because it's been so long since I've been, or because I am actually a new patient.  This means that it's a long time before there is a new patient appt available.  Meanwhile other stuff is on hold until those appts occur and/or until I can have a specific test.  Needless to say it's another source of frustration, for sure.

Sir Groundhog.  At least that's what we call him.  He travels between the yards of several people in the neighborhood.  Needless to say, our yard is one of those "blessed" yards.  I'm sure I've mentioned that we have two dogs (as well as two cats).  These dogs are wild about Sir Groundhog.  They literally go wild.  There is incessant barking and vertical jumping.  The video to the right is what I mean.  Ok, evidently the video refuses to load onto this page.  Grrrr!  And I just went looking for an emoticon for the "grrrr" and don't see them anywhere.  Grrrr squared!

Ok, just throwing it out there -- I'm frustrated with being FAT!  My weight has fluctuated ever since I was a kid.  I'm pretty sure I've already posted about that and it's not really vital to today.  Anyway my weight has gone up and down, mostly up in the past decade.  I weigh more than 100 lbs than I did when I stopped working in late 2000.  100 pounds.  Let that sit with you for a minute.  I have to say that I'm on a bunch of meds and many of the cause weight gain and/or slow my metabolism.  I do have a number of medical conditions which preclude my ability to workout like a "normal" preson.  Add to the mix that I'm in my early 40s and it's a recipe for failure.  It's not an excuse, just a statement of fact.  I was all ready to join a gym a couple of months back... and to get a personal trainer.  When I mentioned some of the major physical stuff he said that he wanted a doc's clearance before he'd work with me.  That has turned into a nightmare of coordinating physician's service and the joy of hours on the phone with the insurance company.  All that to say I'm stuck in this place...  If I may make a sports reference (and only because MrB had the game on), it's like a baseball player running back and forth between two bases.

I could continue my rant and my griping, but I'm sure I did enough of that for now (and for a long time to come).  I've been working on this for several days now, getting distracted with the dogs, email, searching for new blinds, etc.  Perhaps that explains the length.  Either that or I'm making excuses again...

Frustration!

I don't know what to say.  I'm fuming right now.  I've been fighting with an insurance company and the healthcare provider over a specific claim and both ends, of course, say it's the other one's fault.  Now, here I am, stuck in the middle with a past-due bill while we're trying to refinance the house.  Oh, and I had the car in the shop yesterday for regular maintenance and because of a weird jerking movement it was making.  That turned out to cost $600 - I know it could have been worse and this was almost a relief, but it is also $600 we don't have.  On top of this, I have woken up the past week or so with headaches and disinterested in taking medications because of the tendency for bounce-back headaches.  I finally gave in yesterday and again today.  I was also having abdominal issues yesterday, presumably after a virus from over the weekend.

Today, my dogs go out and play in the mud, one of them digging just a little and listening when I said "STOP" but the other totally and completely ignoring the fact that I'm even talking (yelling) and continued to dig to the point where when I finally drug her inside she was muddy from the bottom of her feet to the top of her legs.  I had to wipe both dogs' paws off and in order to do so had to bend over.  Now we come to the pain issue - my back did NOT tolerate the bending over well - at all!  I was screaming and almost in tears (not being able to cry is another issue...), so, so very frustrated with my life and the dogs.  Of course they are now sound asleep on the sofa as if they've been good all day.  The big digger, Poly, knew I was angry because I yelled IN her face, something I've never done before and with an unknown history, something which I think scared her (frightening her as if she was going to be abused was NOT my intention; I pray she knows she is loved and safe here.... but also that she MUST behave).  He sensed my anger and finally came running inside, mostly compliant as I attempted to clean him up.

I am not in a place where I'm handling this stuff well.  Yes, in the grand scheme of things none of this is a big deal, but when I'm starting out in a bad place this just sends me spiraling.  My language has not been good the past week-ish.  While that may  not seen like a big deal to anyone reading this, I am a Christian and do not want my language to be something that doesn't glorify Him.

I want MY therapist back.... 3 more weeks - halfway there......

Have you ever just opened a bag of chocolate chips...

Have you ever just opened a bag of chocolate chips because you craved chocolate and it was the only thing in the house?  Yeah, that's where I'm at.  There is a bag of candy in the fridge, but it belongs to Keith.  Ok,, sure I've had a little bit of it - who wouldn't?  But I'm not going to gorge myself on it.

I did have a small-ish dinner last night... only one piece of meatloaf and some mashed potatoes.  Neither of us felt like messing with the fresh green beans.  I know, I know, that's no good but I tire easily and Keith, well, he does so much around the house; I'm very blessed!

We're waiting for a new leash to come in (it's on order now).  It's called the Wacky Walkr (yep, that's how it's spelled) and it's supposed to help with pulling.  The pulling really aggravates the arthritis in my back.  Once it comes in (along with the "Crazy Coupler" - which you can see on the site), I'm hoping I can take the dogs out for walks; short walks to start and working up to longer ones.

Whoopsie.... I just noticed that I had posted the above on my other blog!  It's A Tale of Two Dogs and certainly those readers don't want to hear about my chocolate chip dilemma!  If you'd like to read it, please, link to the above and it will take you right there.

As I mentioned, my therapist is out for a number of weeks.  I met with his colleague last week, and will again tomorrow.  She's quite nice and understanding about my feelings on my doc being out, which is nice.  I was afraid that she'd think I was crazy to be "mourning" this time without him.

I saw a doctor on Friday.  First thing when I sat down in his office I noticed a scale.  "No big deal" I thought; perhaps he's keeping track of his own weight or some odd thing like that.  No.  It seems new insurance regulations require that he take height, weight, blood pressure and pulse at each appointment.  And, since everything has switched over to medical records he can't get away without doing it.  Now, my Mom works in a doc's office and said that they are required to enter 3 vitals into the system.  Who knows....?  In any event, having eaten breakfast and lunch before my appointment and being fully dressed except for my shoes, I weighed 7 lbs more than I last did at home (when I'm undressed and haven't yet eaten).  Either way, though, it's 7 lbs and was quite a shocker to see, let alone for anyone else to see.  I don't talk numbers with my weight, I just don't!

Ok, well, if you're reading my blog(s), please join so you can get an email when I make a new post!  Also, I'd love to hear your comments!!  Is there anything you'd like to talk about or read about?  Let me know!!

Books, Furry Kids and More

I love to read!  The problem is that my concentration is seriously affected by depression.  Right now, I am reading Not Lost Forever, a story I heard about on an old 20/20 episode.  It's written by a woman who survived a murderous rampage by her father when she was just a toddler.  Keith would say that it's my kind of book, my kind of story.  What books are you reading?  What do you enjoy?  I just love to read biographies and autobiographies, to learn about other peoples' stories and what they've experienced.  I think it's my inner psychologist.  LOL

Not only does the depression affect my concentration, but I am receiving ECT treatments for it and they have destroyed my memory.  That means that if I can get through a chapter, the next day I will have virtually no idea what I read.  You may be asking yourself "what on earth is ECT?"  Well, I'll tell you - it's electroconvulsive therapy, aka "shock therapy."  About half of you are probably thinking something about "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" or some such thing, but it's not like that.  It's not torturous, it's not for "crazy" people (gosh, I hate that word!), heck, it doesn't even hurt!  It's done under anesthesia.  If you're curious to read more about it, click here.  Or, please, feel free to ask me questions - I don't know you, you have nothing to lose!

Given the ECT, any question starting with "do you remember..." usually gets the response "NO!"  Let me tell you, it's frustrating!  When I was in the ER last week the doctors kept asking what meds I was on, what specialists I saw, what surgeries I've had, etc.  It's mortifying to not know the answers to these questions.  It makes me feel incredibly stupid.  I've even forgotten an entire vacation Keith and I took.  I work hard now to make memories "stick."  We'll see how that goes.  For the record, such severe memory loss is a rarity!

Back to the "reading" thing... I have a Kindle and love it!  I look at the multiple full bookcases I have throughout the house and then at my little Kindle and wonder why I'd ever buy another paperback!  This thing is so easy to use and amazon makes it so easy to buy books and download them onto the device.  I have a "Kindle Wishlist" on amazon that contains something like 71 books!  Is that crazy, or what?  I sure wish I could read faster!!

On a completely unrelated topic, you  may have noticed that I switched the background for my blog to pawprints.  I adore animals and as I've mentioned before, we have 2 dogs and 2 cats (Casey and Poly, Tori and Bert).  They are all named with Disney references: Casey's is a hot dog quick service restaurant in the Magic Kingdom; Poly is the abbreviated way to refer to the Polynesian Resort; Victoria and Albert's is a very fancy restaurant in the Grand Floridian Resort (Keith and I enjoyed it on our honeymoon).

Nikki

All of our furry kids are rescues.  Tori and Bert came first.  It was just over a week after our dear kitty, Nikki, had to be put down and we fell in love with these guys at the pet store.  They are biological siblings and sure act like it!  Casey we met through a rescue and the woman fostering him brought along Poly.  We just couldn't separate them!  They "play" just like siblings, too, even though they don't share any DNA.  The rescue told us that Casey is a shepherd mix and Poly is a vizsla mix - who knows, but does it really matter??  No!

Tori (bottom) and Bert (top)

Casey (left) and Poly (right)

There is never a dull day here at the "B" household, that's for sure!  These four guys keep us on our toes!  It took us a while to tell the difference between the kitties without seeing their collars (Tori's is red, Bert's is green), but now we're pretty good at it; she's the more petite one and he, well, he likes to eat, like his Mom.  Casey is a lover - will give kisses until his tongue falls off - but he is very protective of us and does not like strangers, especially males.  She is more reserved. To get kisses from her is cause for celebration.  You dog lovers will know what I'm saying...!

So, please tell me what you're thinking, ask any questions, and don't hesitate to drop a comment!  Thanks for reading my musings!

Life

Life holds many things, some of which are positive and some of which are negative.  If I'm going to reveal some things about myself, I'm not only fat, I'll share that I suffer from bipolar disorder and have a number of physical problem which are unrelated to my weight (not to mention those which *are* weight-related).

So, my life now holds a membership to the Y.  For several weeks at the end of the year I was talking water aerobic classes.  Being in a bathing suit is not thrilling, but being in the water is far better for my body than trying to workout in the gym.  I did lose 16 lbs, but haven't been in weeks and gained back 4 of those lbs.

Life also holds a house full of critters - 2 large dogs and 2 cats.  I haven't been able to walk the dogs due to the abuse on my body from the pulling but we've ordered a new leash (the Wacky Walk'r) which is supposed to buffer that pressure.  We also got the related Crazy Coupler so that I'm only holding onto one leash and the dogs can't get tangled.  We'll see how this works.

Food.  This really deserves a post all of its own, but I'll just say that I have a sweet tooth which is absolutely destroying me.  My eating habits have gotten pretty bad - not only do I crave chocolate, but I totally have an addiction to carbs.  These things aren't the best way to enjoy food if I'm going to lose weight.

I need to lose about 150 lbs, although I'll settle for 120 (from this point, so on top of what I've already lost).  As I said in another post, I've considered lap-band surgery.  I don't want to do gastric bypass, but it seems like lap-band is a reasonable alternative.

This is my life as it stands now.  Ironically, I'm off to go have some tortellini for dinner.

Sunday was a long day!

Dogs, dogs, and more dogs!  We're trying to find the perfect match and never thought it would have been so hard.  But, we just may have a winner, two winners.


Sunday we went to meet the foster Mom we know who had a dog of interest to us.  We were also interested in a dog coming from the South on transport, so we met them all at the transport meeting location.


We fell in love with "Wesley" (above).  The dog from transport was going to be too much for us, although she is beautiful and I'm sure will have a home in no time.  As we sat with "Wesley" another dog came up and started to play with him; this was "Wendy."  After their playing was over, "Wendy" came up and laid down right in between Keith and me.  At one point she rested leaned against Keith's leg and later she rested her head on my knee.  She totally picked us.


Now, we had no intentions of adopting TWO dogs, but these guys played together and then rested together and just chilled with us!  I've been in contact with the foster Mom since and the two are even choosing to share a crate.  You'd think they were siblings, but they aren't!  "Wesley" is a shepherd mix; "Wendy" is a vizsla mix.


We're waiting to see how they do individually and then together with cats.  If all goes well, we may be doubling the number of kids we have!  The kitties are not going to be happy at all!  Everyone will need some time to adjust, but the ratio of male:female remains the same.  Whew!


By the way, we're going to change their names.  I'm not going to get into that now, though.  I'll wait until we sign the adoption papers.  Oh, and yes, it's an open adoption that we're negotiating  :-)