Friday, February 27, 2015

Wintertime has Been Evil

Ok, so maybe "evil" isn't the right word, but winter sure has gotten to me.  Granted I'd given up walking the dogs back in Autumn (I think) but I also don't have any motivation to do it in this mess, either.  I don't have any energy to ride my exercise bike.  But... I am in PT for a number of things (the physical therapist saw the script and said "what happened?"  I saw him back in 2013 for my pre-op attempt at avoidance.  There are so many things on there he just didn't know where to start.

Eating.  UGH!  I haven't stuck to Weight Watchers at all.  I have added a few meals here and there - the same meals I was eating on the plan.  I just didn't track all the junk I've been putting in my body.  Last time I saw my PCP I refused the scale.  She thinks I'm still down 30 pounds.  I didn't realize until I left and saw the paper she'd written on, but I didn't make any attempt to fix it.

I'm embarrassed.  People stare and I want to say "I'm a middle-aged woman, so have the metabolism of a turtle, and am on enough meds to kill a horse.... oh, and by the way, nearly all of them have weight gain as a side effect; did I mention that I'm bipolar and severe depression makes me almost have negative motivation."  Now, you, "skinny person" stop staring and understand that things are not as cut and dry as you think they are.  So, go have a burger!

Tonight is an excellent example of our food intake of late: hubby is picking up hoagies and chips and we will have some drinks - granted it's usually one form or another of Coke Zero and when I'm not drinking water, it's either one of the Coke Zeros or diet, decaf iced tea.  One of my new meds has me on Lithium which causes me to have a metal taste in my mouth all the time, so drinking waster isn't as easy as it used to be.  I go as long into the day as I can with water, but at some point, I have to switch to something with taste.  Plus, wow, some of those un-coated meds are nasty!

I need fruit!  I think fruit will help get me back on track - and not the canned stuff, because while I'm eating Libby's no sugar added mandarin oranges in the can, I could really go for an apple that doesn't cost $1600 a pound!  Ok, we do have bananas, but I'm a brat and they have to be green or have at least some green on them.  I'm not a fan of banana mush or banana baby food.

That is that.  Wintertime isn't my friend this year.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Brrrrr.......

It's cold here in the Mid-Atlantic of the US.  I mean sub zero (F) temps.  It's been a really good excuse not to exercise.  I'll ignore the fact that I have an exercise bike in our spare bedroom - and I even dusted it off a few weeks ago.  That counts as exercise, right?  My emotional eating has also totally taken over my life.  While I was down just over 30 lbs on Weight Watchers, I have gained most of it back.  Once again, Ben and Jerry's became a good friend.  It started in November.  Then came Christmas and my birthday then Valentine's Day and now we are in Easter mode.  We bought Reese's eggs and enough jelly beans (Just Born brand, of course!) to fill a small car.

This fat chick is on the weight see-saw.  It's horrible.  I'm so disappointed.  I was finally able to shop in stores and not stuck with catalog shopping.  I did pick up a shirt the other day at Kohl's - their 60%-80% off stuff... awesome deals!  I figure maybe, just maybe I'll be able to fit into them by our cruise in May.  I just have to steer clear of the jelly beans and Reese's eggs.  This, friends, will be quite a chore!

I'm also in a very.... and I mean VERY bad place emotionally.  For some reason I want to BUY - I came into some money recently and while I'm far from hypomanic, I want to buy stuff.  Hubby suggested that I find some projects to work on and even came with me to the craft store to chose something.  Yeah, um... that bag is in the dining room somewhere, with several other projects I was going to work on.  I have to find my sewing machine before I can take it to get fixed.

There really isn't anything earth-shattering here, but it had been a long time since I wrote and I was feeling the urge to check in.  I know there are some people out there - I know I have a few followers.  I know someone will read this.  I thank you for that!

One thing I just thought of - it was a year ago (almost) to the day that we had our "First in the Series" weight loss photo shoot.  To be at the same weight as then.... (hubby, too) is more disappointing than I can describe.