Thursday, January 31, 2013

This and That

I like to write.  It's true.  My problem is that I don't always have a topic.  And yet, here you are, reading my nothingness.  Maybe it'll turn into something - you'll have to keep reading and see!

Keith gave me an amazing birthday gift.  We're going to Disney World to see a couple of my favorite musicians, Steven Curtis Chapman and Michael W. Smith.  It's going to be awesome!  And he was super creative in how he gave me this gift.  The plus and equal signs are made of bully sticks (for dogs to chew on) then it was:
a MWS cd + a SCC CD + tix to the concert = a trip to WDW!!!  It's going to ROCK!!!

I'd love a new camera to take with me on this trip.  I have my eyes on this one:
Product Image 
It's a Canon T3 and some photographer friends of mine have said it's a great starter camera, very easy to use.  The problem is that it's $429.  Ouch!  I know it's actually pretty inexpensive for a digital SLR but it's still more money than we have.  I'm saving up, but won't have enough before we leave.  I wonder if Cupid has his eyes on it?

I think I mentioned that yesterday was my last therapy session with my long-term therapist for 6-8 weeks.  He is having surgery and will be on medical leave.  Yesterday he shared with me that the woman covering, with whom I will meet regularly, is an expert in food issues.  Yippee.  This is not something that excites me, not something I want to discuss.  Am I fat?  No question.  Do I want to lose weight?  Absolutely.  Is now the right time to go into it all with a virtual stranger?  Ummm, NO!  Perhaps I'll feel differently after we've been meeting for a few weeks, but for now I'm enjoying birthday cake and pasta.  I know, I know, it's about portion size and regulating intake. I know which foods are healthy and which are not.  You don't live your entire life being overweight without learning a few things.  D-I-E-T is indeed a 4-letter word.  If you go on a diet, you can go off it.  It's about changing the way I eat, about adding in regular exercise... blah, blah, blah.  I could be an expert in food issues - you know what I mean?

Keith and I went to a Tim Hawkins comedy concert on Sunday.  It was one of the reasons they *needed* to discharge me from the hospital on Saturday!  He is amazing!  You have to go on his site or onto YouTube's Tim Hawkins site.  He is absolutely hysterical!  He is a Christian and some of his comedy is about church or denominations, but for the most part it's just clean, solid humor!  I hope you enjoy - let me know!

So... what have been some of your most amazing birthday gifts?  Is there an item you're coveting these days?  Do you feel like you're an expert in food issues?

Wednesday, January 30, 2013


It's been an interesting week.

I've had this cough for a month now.  Last Wednesday I started feeling dizzy/light-headed when I coughed when standing.  Life goes on.  Thursday I woke up with a migraine and started to feel dizzy all the time, even when sitting down and not coughing.  Then I noticed some vision changes in my right eye.  I called and spoke with a couple different nurses at my doctor's office and together we decided that it would be best if I go to the ER.  Ok, arrived at the ER at 5pm and saw the worst nurse known to man.  He had no personality and made me feel like I was bothering him and angering him when I asked to go to the bathroom and when he had to do things like get my vitals or check the IV fluid.  By the way, he put the automatic blood pressure cuff on the same arm as the IV.  Can you say OUCH?

After all was said and done - a CT showed I did not have a new stroke and the bloodwork showed no abnormalities explaining my symptoms - they admitted me.  I got up to my room at 1am on Friday morning and was awakened every 2 hours for neuro checks.  Good times!  The docs did all sorts of checks and I saw a bunch of different specialists on Friday, but they would not discharge me, despite everything coming up basically normal.  I do have a visual field deficit from my previous stroke, which was sometime between 2003 and 2009.

Saturday - my BIRTHDAY - I woke up and saw both the hospitalist and the neurologist.  The hospitalist said he wanted to keep me another day.  WHAT?  I said that I really wanted to go home, plus explained that it was my bday.  After disagreeing with me about it being my bday (evidently my chart said it was Thursday - or he misread my admit date), he agreed saying that nobody should be in the hospital on their birthday.  Whew!!  Shortly thereafter, the neurologist came in.  He is an colleague of my regular neuro and is quite young.  He did his checks and told me he wants me to get a sleep study -- that I am at high risk for sleep apnea, which can explain a number of my symptoms, including weight gain (!).  I had heard the recommendation from another doctor so was not surprised at this.  They did decide that the symptoms were due to the migraine (even though the headache part of it went away Thursday morning).

What came next, though, blew my mind... in fact I still can't wrap my mind around it.  He said that he did not want me driving and that I have to take a driving test/evaluation.  Is he serious??  Evidently he is concerned about my visual field deficit and how it affects my driving.  HUH?  I've been driving with said deficit since I had the stroke, more than 3 years ago!  I have not gotten in an accident, hit anything, heck, I have never gotten a speeding ticket!

I call the facility which performs these evaluations and they have to have the doctor complete a form before I can schedule.  Oh, and they are booked through February (and this is before waiting for the doctor to fill out said paperwork)!  Of course I have more than a half dozen appointments in the next month.  I have to rearrange and reschedule everything on my calendar and rely on my husband to drive me places.

I suffered from agoraphobia for years and was afraid to go anywhere, having panic attacks.  I stayed in the house, except to go see my therapist - for years!  Now I'm forbidden to drive so am stuck in the house and going bonkers after a very short period of time!  I did beg of the neuro to allow me to drive to see my therapist yesterday.  It was his last day before going out on medical leave for 6-8 weeks and I needed to go.  He worded his order in such a way that I could drive there.

Now I'm stuck - and going to lose my mind!!  You may read some pretty irrelevant blog posts for a while.... me trying to keep busy.  Don't judge me ;-)

Monday, January 14, 2013


Life holds many things, some of which are positive and some of which are negative.  If I'm going to reveal some things about myself, I'm not only fat, I'll share that I suffer from bipolar disorder and have a number of physical problem which are unrelated to my weight (not to mention those which *are* weight-related).

So, my life now holds a membership to the Y.  For several weeks at the end of the year I was talking water aerobic classes.  Being in a bathing suit is not thrilling, but being in the water is far better for my body than trying to workout in the gym.  I did lose 16 lbs, but haven't been in weeks and gained back 4 of those lbs.

Life also holds a house full of critters - 2 large dogs and 2 cats.  I haven't been able to walk the dogs due to the abuse on my body from the pulling but we've ordered a new leash (the Wacky Walk'r) which is supposed to buffer that pressure.  We also got the related Crazy Coupler so that I'm only holding onto one leash and the dogs can't get tangled.  We'll see how this works.

Food.  This really deserves a post all of its own, but I'll just say that I have a sweet tooth which is absolutely destroying me.  My eating habits have gotten pretty bad - not only do I crave chocolate, but I totally have an addiction to carbs.  These things aren't the best way to enjoy food if I'm going to lose weight.

I need to lose about 150 lbs, although I'll settle for 120 (from this point, so on top of what I've already lost).  As I said in another post, I've considered lap-band surgery.  I don't want to do gastric bypass, but it seems like lap-band is a reasonable alternative.

This is my life as it stands now.  Ironically, I'm off to go have some tortellini for dinner.


I've ignored this blog for far too long.  It's true and I can't ignore that fact.  But I'm back... and I'm still fat.  I looked up lap-band surgery this past week.  It doesn't look like my insurance will pay for it.  Being fat is one of the last minorities where there is ignorance - that and mental health issues.  I'm "fortunate" enough to deal with both.  But that's not important.  Where have I been?  Nowhere.  Exciting, huh?  I did take a trip to DisneyWorld since I last posted.  This is not a good place for a fat person.  The food is yummy there!  There is also lots of walking - I've heard it said up to 10 miles daily.  This fat body cannot handle that kind of pressure on itself.  Nothing else is really new.  I'm going to try to keep up with this blog, though I can't make a promise about that right now.  Fat chicks unite!