Disgusting

I. Am. Disgusting.  It's true - I'm totally and utterly gross.  I hate to obsess about my weight, but I can't get away from it.  I can't hide from it.  I move an inch and am faced with my obnoxious body.  There's no pretending.  I wish it was as easy as convincing myself that I was thin or that I could wish myself into smaller clothes, but that's not reality.

This has been a public service announcement.....

Tops

Yes, I've reached the top - my top weight, that is.  I'm not proud of it, but that's where it stands right now.  My home scale is about 4 lbs more than the scale at a doc's office on Tuesday.  I choose the doc's scale number instead, but it's still higher (tell it like it is) I'm still fatter than I've ever been.  There's no reason I should weigh less.  I am eating horribly and not exercising.  So much for a fresh start.  Am I the only one who has less motivation than a cinder block?