IComLeavWe: The February Bloggers

Thank you thank you thank you to all the wonderful people who commented on my blog. Your support has been really wonderful.

This time around the ICLW block, I have been a bad, bad blogger. Not only did I post almost nothing, I also totally slacked on my commenting duties. I blame work. I have been very busy trying to make myself indespensible because DEAR GOD ALL THE LAYOFFS. My work hasn't had any (thank the sweet baby Jeebz for that one), but still. You never, never know.

One of the things I really like about ICLW is that we can make up for missed days. This means that I have gone on a commenting marathon today to make up for oh, I don't know, the SIX DAYS I SLACKED. Sorry, Internet.

Another thing that doing a marathon commenting session taught me: BLOGGER SUCKS. I had so many problems loading pages, and I wonder if that's why my traffic is way down this month?

Internet, go on over to these here blogs and give them a little commenty love. ICLW is a great reading adventure. I get to read all about women who are waiting to try, trying, and done trying. It gives me hope, and reminds me that I always have options. This whole injecting pee (!!!PEE!!!) under my skin has thrown me for a freak-out bender, and reading about others' stories has helped in the coping department. The bloggers listed below are brave, brave, brave women, and really, Internet, go tell them that. They deserve some love and support.

Here are the blogs on which I left comments:

1. Dragon Dreamer's Lair
2. Sell Crazy Someplace Else
3. Yes, We're One of THOSE Couples
4. From Such Great Heights
5. Two Shorten the Road
6. Little Bluebirds Fly
7. Can You Imagine?
8. Communique
9. Life in the White House
10. Loving Thee... and More
11. A New Wheeler for the World?
12. Mrs. Spock
13. Unquestionable Love
14. Stirrup Queens
15. Baby Smiling in the Back Seat
16. Birds and Squirrels
17. A View on My Life
18. The Baby Makin Chronicles
19. In Due Time
20. Lifeslurper
21. Mom to Twins Plus One
22. Life and Love in the Petri Dish
23. The Not So Secret Life of Us
24. Are We There Yet?
25. Bloggin in Style
26. Heeeeere Storkey, Storkey!
27. My Pathway to Motherhood
28. Bugaboo Envy
29. The Life of Liv
30. Trying for Two
31. offmymind.but from my heart
32. What Wuz I Saying?
33. Where is that Special Water?
34. Hobbit-ish Thoughs and Ramblings
35. Eye Heart Internet

Here are the comments on my blog to which I responded: [T: Seriously, that would have sounded much better if the preposition were at the end of the sentence.]

1. Full-Term Loss Support
2. Me and Baby
3. Finding Her Way
4. No Yolk
5. Trying for a Baby
6. Were You Looking for Me?
7. Inconceivable?!

Moonly musings... AGAIN

You didn't really think that I'd be done with this, did you?

CD19: T=0, F=8,9. My e2 was down to 651, so I was told to shoot up 100ius of Follistim, and that I'd be recieving Repronex the next morning. Did I say that I was done with injections this month? HA! I lied. Dr. Hottie Pants thinks that my pituitary is on the fritz.

And hey Internet, did you know that Repronex is made from the urine of menopausal women? Isn't that lovely? I just feel all warm and fuzzy inside, knowing that a stranger's pee is going to help me make a baby. Thor's pretty stoked, too (read on for details).

CD20: When I got home, Doorman Wayne was all, "You've been getting a lot of refrigerated packages lately?" and I was like, "Yes." Sadly, I think he wanted a more elaborate answer. Got all scienterrific on myself, mixing medicine in my very own home, changing needles even! When I saw that 7 foot long, 3 foot in diameter medical monstrosity I nearly fainted, but then I remembered Nurse Debbie telling me that I have to change the needles and use the smaller ones. Phew. Spent a loooooong time trying not to think about the menopausal woman's urine byproduct I'd just injected into my abdomen.

CD21: Ultrasound #6, because 5 just wasn't enough. Felt really bloated, e2 was at 1,068 but follicles were right where they were on CD19. Dr. Hottie Pants was getting worried, because Ginny still hadn't gotten up close and personal with Thor. What is his deal, anyway? Why is he hiding? Noone knows (although I think he just doesn't like Ginny), but Nurse Debbie told me to stop with all meds (YAY!) and monitor myself for OHSS. They think I have follicles that they can't see, or like 10,000 small ones that are going to shoot up and send me to the hospital. PCOS, YOU BITCH!

CD22-23: Waiting. Bloated. Bloated and waiting.

CD24: Ultrasound SEVEN, which I was told broke the clinic record. (Now where is my cubic zirconia ring!?) Ginny told me that I'm a mystery to her, then unexpectedly freaked out and ran to get Nurse Debbie, who hadn't arrived yet. I was told that it was nothing bad, and that they'd call me. They haven't called yet. Can I just say that it is never OK for an ultrasound tech to run - not walk, but RUN - to get a nurse? And then say, "Oh, don't worry"? It is sooo not ok. I did eavesdrop (how could I not?!), and apparently it had something to maybe possibly do with Thor the Underdog.

Will update later.

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Update

Does anyone have a blowhorn? Anyone? If you do, I'd like to borrow it because I don't think the ALL CAPS lock will vent my frustration properly.

Internet, I cancelled my cycle. Turns out that Thor had one follicle at 20mm, Freyja had small follicles all over the place and my e2 had dropped to 200. One follicle. God knows how many shots for one... freaking... follicle. Excuse me. I have some screaming to do.

IComLeavWe: The February Edition

Welcome ICLW bloggers, one and all! Welcome welcome welcome!

Last month, I learned a few things from other ICLW bloggers, and so this time around (and future times around), I'm agonna tell you wee bits about me and mah bloggity blog. I've written 27 random things about myself because Heidi made me, but here's a shorter, more relevant, list:

* I started this blog because 1) my sister told me to and 2) I was bored. I have since become addicted.

* I am an SMC-wannabe, also known as a Choice Mom or Single Mother by Choice in the Trying phase. See, there are phases/stages of this whole SMC thing. I used to be in the Thinking stage, and then I was in the Obsessing stage, and then I was in the FREAKING OUT stage, and now I'm in the Trying stage. I think this stage should also be called the OMG HOW MANY THINGS CAN I INJECT INTO MYSELF stage.

* I don't like HSG tests. Neither does my vagina.

* Because my personal brand of infertility is labeled "Male Factor Infertility" (seriously, that's what is written on my chart), I have to buy sperm. So I named mine AJ. You should also know that my left ovary is Thor and my right ovary is Freyja, but sometimes I misspell her name as Freya or Freja. See, now you won't get confused.

* I have 2 cats, Hooghly (which I also spell Hooghley) and Howrah, and I wish I could have a dog and a farm with bunnies and alpaca and sheep. This would make me happy, although not as happy as if I could also have dolphins and sharks and frogfish.

* I am fatchick on Twitter and ShanChan on Ravelry. Ravelry supports my crochet addiction.

Once again, welcome! Introduce yourself in the comments section, and leave a link to your blog. I can't wait to read read read this week!

Meme-o-rama: Pay it forward

I saw this contest on JellyBean Mama's blog, although you might remember her as The Winner. Then I clicked through to her favorite photographer's blog and won there too. And might I say that the aforementioned photographer has a most excellent name? It reminds me of love and butterflies and unicorns and rainbows and lots and lots of sparkly things.

Anyway, seeing as how I am gatherin up me loot from two blogs, methinks I'd better damn well pay it forward!

Now, keep in mind that I won on two blogs, so I'll be giving out stuff to the first 6 commenters. When you post this on your blog, though, you only have to give stuff to the first 3 commenters, mmmmkay?

And I'm not sure what goodie I'll be sending out, but, um… I'm leaning towards some baconlove. That should be a word, baconlove. Don't you agree? And I think it should mean the opposite of ass lobster.

Here are the rules, which I have shamelessly plagiarized. (And that is opposed to recent plagiary, of which I am, indeed, ashamed. And can I just say that plagiary is spelled wierd? It should be spelled plagery. I like that better.)

1. Be one of the first SIX bloggers to leave a comment on this post, which then entitles you to a handmade item from me - something crafty or yummy!

2. Winners must post this challenge on their own blog, meaning that you will Pay It Forward, creating a handmade gift - anything!- for the first THREE bloggers who leave a comment on YOUR post about this giveaway!

3. The gift that you send to your 3 Friends can be from any price range and you have 365 days to make/ship your item. This means you should be willing to maintain your blog at least until you receive your gift and have shipped your gifts. And, remember: It’s the Spirit and the Thought That Count!

4. When you receive your gift, please feel free to blog about it, sharing appropriate Linky Love! If you are not one of the Top Six Commenters on this post, you can still play along. Go ahead and start your own Pay It Forward chain, and encourage your blogging friends to do the same!
SO, REMEMBER...Pay it forward! Please feel free to comment even if you're not the first six, I would still love to hear from you.

More on mah moonly

Because, really, you don't already know enough about my womanly:

CD7-11: Follistim was upped to 100, and my that's a lot of liquid to be injecting into myself. It burns and stings and I keep promising myself that I won't remind the little pip squeak of what I went through to get pregnant, and don't get me started on labor. Yeah, I think I'll be breaking that promise. Daily during the teen years.

CD12: Went for ultrasound three. Despite Ginny's marathon efforts, the dislocation of pelvic bones, and the hyperextension of key tendons, results were blurry and kinda sucked: Thor had one follicle at 10, Freja's remained at 9 and 8. The blood test came back that my estrogen was over 300, so onwards we marched, my grrrlnads and me.

CD13: Another day, another shot.

CD14: See CD13

CD15: Counted 5 bruises from the shots, plus 3 big ugly purple splotches on my hands from the blood draws, spent at least 45 minutes feeling sorry for myself. Cried three times, yelled at a telemarketer. (I mean, seriously, who the hell is she to ask ME for money? In this economy?)

CD16: Yet another date with the dildo cam (4th time, but who is counting?). Thor decided to hell with this whole follicle thing, while Freja was still on the fence. To be precise: T=0, F=9,8. Bloodwork came back at a whopping 774. That's 774 people! Seeing as how I'd prefer to birth a child or twins, and not a litter, I politely asked Nurse Debbie: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

Let me back up. For those of you who don't know, here's a little tutorial on fertility numbers. One developed follicle has one or two (usually one) egg inside it. A follicle is mature when it is around 16mm (when you are on ovarian heroine), and it should grow throughout your moonly. Your grrrlnads start off with lots of follicles, and some just kinda give way so that one or two can get all good and big. Estrogen feeds the follicles, and a good estrogen count is 200 per egg. So at an estrogen level of 774 and no big follicles....... I'm getting nervous.

Nurse Debbie thinks either 1) I'm getting ready to ovulate, 2) I'll have several follicles grow like corn after a thunderstorm (did I mention I'm from Indiana?) pretty soon, or 3) Ginny needs to buy herself a pair of glasses. I promised Nurse Debbie that I'd speak with Thor and Freja to QUIT HIDING GODDAMNIT, WORK WITH ME HERE. That dildo cam can be really uncomfortable.

CD17: Did a little weepy happy dance after giving myself THE FINAL INJECTION OF THIS CYCLE. WOOT! And yes, I was weepy because why the hell wouldn't I cry when I was happy? Internet, clearly, you have forgotten that I'm injecting hormones into my abdomen. I haven't.

CD18, today: I'm going to be working a teensy bit later than the proverbial whistle, then I can spend the rest of my evening not thinking about the needle I don't have to impale myself with at 8PM.

CD19, tomorrow: Ultrasound #5. NUMBER FIVE. Keep your fingers crossed, Internet. I have a strong feeling that I've either already ovulated or my estrogen will be so high they'll make me cancel the cycle.

Looking like this ain't gone be teh month.

Darcie & Valerie are having a WIN party!

Congratulations go out to Darcie and Valerie, since they are overflowing with winny goodness!

Darcie will be getting the commenter set of stitchmarkers and Valerie will be getting the blogger set.

Many thanks to everyone who entered my giveaway! Internet, go on over to these happy bloggers and give them a little interwebby love:

Sweeps 4 Bloggers (where you can win tons of stuff)
Darcy Knotty Knitter
Salihan (where you can win a Malabrigo scarf)
Miss Muffin
Kadezmom

And be sure to lavish adoration upon these fantastic projects:

Darcy's Sheep Sheep
Miss Muffin's Lovely Letters
Miss Muffin's legwarmers
Salihan's February Lady Sweater
Pie Pattern

Iz bin spoiled

Today is the last day for the stitch marker giveaway! Free stuff = GOOD. To enter the giveaway, click here.

I recently participated in the Love Bites Swap on Ravelry. I put together a package for JesseCreations, and FrizzyHooker put together a package for me. Internet, go right out and enter a swap. I promise you it will totally make your entire month a happy one.

Here's a picture of my loot:



Here are a couple of close-ups:





And one item was too big to be in the photo:



I love this bag! And my favorite was the bracelet FrizzyHooker made - I love that I can wear it as a bracelet or a choker:



And can't forget the pics of the yarny goodness:





Aren't they GORGEOUS?! I LOOOOOOVE both skeins, and I'm already envisioning lovely projects...

Here's the amazing inventory of my Happy Box:

1. Pirate's Plunder Art Yarn, Color: Hurricane Warning
2. Conjoined Creations, Color: Beach Boy
3. Gummy Hearts (YUM!)
4. Extra Dark Chocolate (YUM YUM YUM)
5. Voodoo Tea, from Clara J's
6. Blue Moon glass pendant
7. A Smencil in Very Berry
8. Comfort Grips for crochet hooks
9. Crochet hooks for thread
10. Encyclopedia of 300 Crochet Pattners, Stitches & Designs (YAY! I LOVE THIS BOOK!)
11. A Carry-All Traveler by Allegro

I have been sooo spoiled, I almost feel guilty! I am already using the bag and wearing the choker! And of course I've eaten some of the candy...

Thank you sooo much, FrizzyHooker!

Obligatory octuplets post

Free stuff = GOOD. To enter the giveaway, click here.

UPDATE: OMG, I'm an awful evil jerkheaded plagerizer! After I posted this, I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd seen the title somewhere before. Then, at 2AM, it totally hit me: I scammed Awake In The World's post title. I'm sorry Awake! I didn't mean it! It was a subconscious act of plagery, I swear it! Internet, go over to Awake's blog and tell her that you like her more than me. I did.

The people in the know about my baby plans keep questioning me about the woman who had octuplets. So much so, that I've been avoiding basements with overhead spotlights, for fear that it will turn into a real interrogation... Complete with a good cop, a bad cop, and a whole lot of fists pounding on the table. So I thought I'd come clean, spill my opinions here, and then brace myself for all the hateful anonymous comments sure to come my way via Google.

So before I begin, Internet, let's just get a few things straight: Yes, I know that I'll be burning in hell for my actions/thoughts/sins/existence, and that I am fat, so please don't think you need to remind me. I have also already been told, Mr. Troll, that I am disgusting, worthless, and a piece of poo-poo (although not in those words), so there. You are welcome. I just saved you at least 3 minutes of hatefulness. Now go stuff your head in a toilet, where all that ickiness belongs.

Back to my opinion on octuplets:

In going down the baby path, one of my biggest fears has been IVF. Many REs will encourage IVF over other treatments, as the success rate is much higher. And Internet, a higher success rate is a GOOD thing, especially considering the high cost of vodka. But it also has some unintended consequences.

You see, when a woman goes through IVF, there are multiple eggs (at least hopefully) retrieved and fertilized. Good doctors, like Dr. Hottie Pants, only transfer one or two embryos into a woman's uterus, which means that there are embryos left over. In fact, after people are done with all their IVF treatments, it is very common to have several "left over" embryos. It has been estimated that there are over 400,000 surplus embryos being stored in the US alone, and that number is growing.

The question then, is: What do you do with these embryos?

There are several options:

1. Store them forever;
2. Donate them to medical research;
3. Destroy them;
4. Transfer them when they wouldn't likely survive;
5. Transfer them when they would probably survive; or
6. Donate them to an "adoption" organization or a family trying to get pregnant.

And I'm sure the list could go on and on, but these are what I've come up with.

Ms. Suleman choose to have them transferred successfully. She, like many people, viewed the embryos as living humans, and could not fathom storing them indefinitely.

While I do not disagree with Ms. Suleman's perspective, I would not have made her choice. The truth is, I don't know what I'd do. Internet, I'm TERRIFIED of IVF for this very reason: What would I do with the surplus embryos? That scares the bejeezus out of me. I am pro-choice, yet I know I couldn't be fully happy knowing that I have potential children in the andrology lab's freezer. It would be like this freak out lurking in the back of my skull, just waiting until I'm piloting my very own Cessna to give me a panic attack.

It is an enormously difficult and challenging ethical decision, and really, who am I to publicly criticize another woman for making a decision that I, myself, am doing my very darndest to avoid?

And as to the rest of it, such as her living situation, her financial situation, etc.... I may comment to friends and family privately on that, but sorry, Internet, I just don't think it is fair to vilify publicly. And that is what has been done to Ms. Suleman: She's been raked through the coals all over the news and the interwebs, treated as though she is some sort of monster. The public has been incredibly mean, and why? What good is that going to do anyone, to be awful to her?

And that is all I have to say about that.

Uses the word "masterbaters"

Free stuff = GOOD. To enter the giveaway, click here.

It has been a very unhappy day today, thanks to an AM visit to the RE to check my lethargic (uncooperative? lazy? striking?) ovaries, which I may blog about on another day. One where I haven't been been walking around all mopey and raincloudy. I do believe that the highlight of this Tuesday will not be the weather, oh that glorious 62 degree weather. Rather, it will be crawling into my bed with a fifth of gin. As soon as I get home.

But in the meantime, I give you this. I found it through the Choice Mom's group (thanks MM!) and I promise you, if it could make me laugh today of all days, then it could make anyone laugh through, oh, I don't know, say an ECONOMIC MELTDOWN.

MASTERBATERS MASTERBATERS MASTERBATERS

Call me juvenile, I just couldn't resist. And now I'll be getting all kinds of Google traffic.

On being a fat chick: Now on video!

Free stuff = GOOD. To enter the giveaway, click here.

I recently got a very friendly email from Brigette (Hi Brigette!) alerting me to some fantastic videos produced by Yale University's Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity. There are two, and I'll be posting them this week.

From the Rudd Center website:

To increase public awareness about weight bias, the Rudd Center has released two new videos demonstrating the nature and extent of weight bias at home, in school and even at the doctor's office. The videos are hosted by former supermodel and activist Emme and feature Rudd Center experts including Rebecca Puhl, PhD, Director of Research & Weight Stigma Initiatives. Each video uses both expert commentary and dramatic representation to address the obstacles obese individuals face with weight bias in American society. The videos also present strategies to help combat this rapidly growing problem.

Here is a preview of the videos. I wish that I could say it's a preview for me, and for all other fatties, but, unfortunately, that would be a lie. What is presented in the videos isn't new to me; rather, its my everyday life.

GIVEAWAY: Looooverly Stitch Markers

!!!Calling all yarn addicts!!!

My next giveaway was designed with you in mind, fellow fiber friends, and this month's theme is all about LOVE. Because it's February, and isn't that the Official Theme of February?

I'm giving away 2 - count 'em, TWO - sets of stitch markers, designed by yours truly. I have always really enjoyed beading, and since Val's Day is coming up, I thought it would be appropriate to give something handmade with love. Love is all about giving, right? And I totally love my readers. And the giveaway had to be pink, of course, because pink is the Official Color of Girly Things Everywhere.

And these aren't just any stitch markers, oh no. See the tiny red beads? Those are garnets, haggled over (again, with love) in some small jewelry store on the second floor of a busy Jaipur street. Did you know Jaipur is known as the Pink City? And that it's also know as the City of Love? Yep, I bought them, loved them, and carried them all the way home from India. I guess that makes me an importer. Or smuggler.

Anyway, good luck! Right now these are made for knitters, but I'll be happy to restring them and add a lobster clasp so that crocheters can use them, too.

Here's the first set:



Here's the second set:



How to win:

One set will be given to commenters. Simply leave a comment, telling me what is the most LOOOOVERLY project you've ever made. I'll assign a number to the comments, and then the random number generator will choose the winner.

The second set will be given to bloggers. Simply write a post about the most LOOOOVERLY project you've ever made with a link back to this giveaway. Also, leave a comment with a link to your blog, and WAAAA LAAA, you have two entries.

Make sure that I have a way to contact you! Either check back here or email me with your screen name and how to contact you. My email is shansterbaby at gmail.

The giveaway will be open until February 12. I'll notify the winners, and mail the stitch markers ASAP, for free.

Because I know you really want to know about my moonly

So here's an update, kids:

CD1, Saturday: Freaked the royal fuck out because my fertility clinic and fertility drug pharamcy are both closed on the weekends, so of course my cycle would start on a Saturday. Of course. Why wouldn't it start on the most inconvenient day of the week, schedule wise? I couldn't schedule a CD3 ultrasound, and I wasn't sure I'd get the Follistim in time. Channeled nervous energy into a cleaning spree.

CD2: Continued to freak the royal fuck out. Cleaning spree continued. All. Freaking. Day.

CD3: Ordered Follistim, scheduled an ultrasound for CD4, went into Hyper-Problem-Solving Freak Out Mode when 6:30PM rolled around and my Follistim hadn't yet arrived. By the time the courier moseyed through the door a few hours later, I'd already implemented a smear campaign against that lollygagging bicycler. Initiatives included calling his mother and her college roommate and commenting anonymously on several gossip blogs specializing in the logistics industry. Oh, and I also paged Dr. Hottie Pants and made plans to get my first injection at the hospital - which my insurance may not have covered.

CD4: Ultrasound numero uno, AKA proof that a little white lie is a good thing. The ultrasound tech told me she wasn't looking for follicles, that she only wanted to see how my ovaries looked. Apparently, they looked fine. Or so she said. ???

CD5: Discovered that the color RED can suck it, cried when a pop-up ad declared me a winner, lost my marbles privately because a coworker was acting stoopider than usual. It was a long day. Went to sleep at 8:30PM. Thanks Follistim!

CD6: The Crazy continued, began embracing crankiness as a lifestyle choice.

CD7, today: Ultrasound numero dos, AKA Follistim is your friend. Ultrasound tech (let's call her Ginny, for Virginia because that sounds like vagina, which is her job) is pleased to see 4 follicles, and tells me that she is surprised because she couldn't find any on Monday. Um? What? Turns out she was looking for follicles on Monday, but that THERE WERE NONE. Holy shmoley, that lie saved me from several days of self- and ovary-loathing, OMG. Freja, righty, has a 10mm and a 9mm, and Thor, lefty, has a 10mm and an 8mm. Now, I know that for some people that is small for CD7, but for me that is positively giganormous. Still waiting on blood draw results, will update later.

YAY for ovarian heroine!

RUN! HIDE!

On my final round of Clomid I got The Crazy. A baaaaad case of The Crazy. I'm pretty even-tempered normally, and even though I love martinis I'm not, you know, attached to them. So bursting into tears at the sight of an empty Vodka bottle was a bit out of the normal range of my emotions. I really wanted that martini.

So here I am, a couple of months later, on 75 IUs of Follistim every night. And dear god, I'm positively dangerous. I find myself overreacting to everything. Last night I threw my slipper at the TV because can't Michelle Dugger get a better haircut? knowing full well that I am by no means a fashionista. Today I glared at a woman because she had the audacity to wear a red hat. A RED hat. And it wasn't just that it was a RED hat, it was that the hat was being all RED at me and I didn't want it next to me. But you don't really have a say in these matters on public transportation.

And the worst part? The worst part is that I have to be on the Follistim twice as long - at least 10 days, maybe even longer - than I was on the Clomid.

So, friends: If you don't see me for a while, please know that it is because I like you and would like to maintain our friendship. I don't want to go all postal-worker-meets-McDonald's on you for some stoopid thing, like wearing the entirely wrong shade of RED or something. This isn't good bye, it's more like: See you in March, when I've hopefully regained my sanity along with an embryo or two. But not eight. I'd rather not have eight embryos.

A hickory-smoked epiphany

I'd like to thank my friend Billy, because in becoming a Fan of Bacon on Facebook, he has inspired me. Not only that, the inspiration he inspired (why does that sound wierd?) has answered the question that has been searing my brain for over a month. The answer, Internet, is, quite simply: Bacon.

See, I like to make amigurumi, as I've posted here before. And so the next amigurumi I'm going to design is... ::drum roll:: ...bacon. And then I'm going to make a bacon bag (which I've seen before, but I forget where), and then... THEN I'm going to make bacon Christmas tree ornaments. Maybe even bacon tinsel, if I 1) have enough yarn and 2) can think of a friend who would appreciate such a magnificent addition to their Yuletide trimmings.

Ahhhh... Bacon.